we write to taste life twice. first, as it happens. second, in retrospect. (anais nin)

Mistressing again

2011-08-20T12:45:00.004+08:00

Hello, I'm Ivi Rodriguez and I'm currently keeping base at www.eeveeinhollywood.blogspot.com and www.findingbeautiful.tumblr.com.

When I'm lazy, I log on Twitter (themindminer) and I connect with old friends thru Facebook (Ivi Rodriguez). See you!

Foreign Tongue

2010-08-14T15:03:00.004+08:00

Bieni finds very amusing the phlegmy-sound that is audible in Yael Naim's French in her ditty, Paris. I don't get a single word in that song but I just love listening to it over and over again. I actually find the phlegmy sound huskily sexy. I wonder if this is what earned for French the Sexiest Language in the World tag. Though if you think about phlegm the slimy green potion that at bad times of the year clogs our lungs and throats, you don't think sexy, but repulsive.

If I choose to learn French, do I have to master that phlegmy sound? Is it a requirement? I think it's too fragile a thing to master. It seems it would have to grow on you. Wouldn't forcing it in my everyday speak make it sound like I'm about to spit?

Anyhow, as we are talking about languages, I would like to profess my desire to add to my list of 3 that I already know: English, Tagalog, Bisaya. I remember thinking about it after reading that Natalie Portman can speak French, German, Japanese, Arabic. What will she has! I want to learn Spanish, then French.

I actually have come across Spanish 2x already.

First was the 3 units with the regal-looking Madame Bacierra. More than her fluency with the language, I was amused by the tragic love story that was relayed one batch after another for how many years, that explains why, at her 50s, she remains unmarried. According to this tale, the love of her life died in a fire accident when they were still young. She was with him but for a detail that the tale no longer included, she was able to escape. Maybe not physically as you can see burn scars on her pink arms; not emotionally, as well, as she has chosen to stay single. How much truth there is in this story, we'll never know. It's like a local myth at the UP Cebu Campus. One main character continues to thread on the same ground, but nobody wants to confirm, out of respect most definitely. Madame Bacierra was a very pleasant teacher.

The second time I tried to learn Spanish was with a Spanish guy named Ludo. He said he comes from a border region of Spain, and in effect, he also learned to speak French and German. He is based in Cebu now and used to be married to a Bisaya. He referred to his former wife and kids several times throughout our meetings and I wonder what really happened. Ludo would tell me and Daisy, my officemate who was learning with me, that we have the face of the women in the Spanish region he hails from. He said the Filipinos have a wrong notion of a mestiza features and that we actually possessed them. Haha.

Work got busy and we had to say goodbye to Ludo after a few months. I was a bit relieved because learning Spanish or maybe any language for that matter can be draining what with all the things that needed to be remembered.

As with all the things you give up, you only regret much much later.

Like now.

But I believe it's never too late to learn anything... again.

Hi Again

2010-08-13T19:33:00.003+08:00

I'm so glad to be back here at Blogspot. It's become so fun since I last cared to change how my blog looks. I thought of starting a new blog but changed my mind. Restart from where I left off. More stories and thoughts soon.

Running in Oblongs

2010-08-13T19:16:00.003+08:00

I ran a continuous 20 rounds at the Oval this afternoon! My best since I returned to running in June. So great I feel like breaking into jazz dance though in normal circumstance, I can barely do a 3-step routine.

This morning, I decided that running bore me and that I should quit. But I held that thought for many moments to examine it. Do I really mean to quit? If I strip away running from my daily life, what do I have left aside from Mayong's work, the occasional Lingkod activity, blogging and lots of dreaming and reading? Quit running? I can't! I shouldn't!

Running is a test of my resolve, more than anything. When I set to finish a 10k, the challenge actually is not covering that distance, but to do it without ever stopping. No water break. No catch-my-breath break. This drives me nuts especially when I mean to finish it on a treadmill or at the Oval where I run in unchanging cycles. But the drive-me-nuts feel is part of the challenge. I have to overcome it every time.

I haven't decided what great distance I could allow in water breaks. 15k probably? Any length less than that, I should strive to run throughout. My best is 12k, at the gym. I still remember feeling so elated I smiled at everyone at the gym, even at those I haven't said even a single "Hi!" to.

Anyway, I take back my decision this morning. I am going to run. I decided to take this sport seriously because I wanted to run at the NY Marathon. That's my final finish line.

(God willing :)

Sunday afternoon

2009-09-20T19:46:00.002+08:00

Can you believe this?

Regular Halohalo P30

Special, w/ 1 scoop of ice cream P45

w/ 2 scoops P60

Black Gulaman (highly recommended!) P35

Banana Split, w/ 3 scoops of ice cream P40

and believe me when i say they're generous with their scoops

the Black Gulaman, recently-discovered favorite dessert

(the only thing that it's lacking is sago. lots of sago!)

their Banana Split is the most no-fuss of all: 1 banana split into 2, 3 scoops of ice cream w/ a marshmallow for each on top. back to basics: the Banana Split in its original form.

Bien enjoying her Sunday afternoon snack w/ utmost gusto.

~~~

the Halohalo Delights is in Foodstreet, a food court along Aviles Street in Ormoc City. the first thing people would probably say about it is that the fares are cheap; placing in second importance the fact that the fares are actually very good. i will focus more on its meal offerings in another post. for now... THIS should suffice :)

fanmail for Miley Cyrus

2009-09-20T10:15:00.003+08:00

Dear Miley I have a poster of you and lotion i come from the Philippines i am a very big fan of yours i also have a Hannah Montana bathing suit i also have two bags too i am always looking at your songs at Youtube I Love You Autogrape _____________

this Sunday

2009-09-20T09:54:00.004+08:00

Mother is renovating Ting's hang-out for the "peoples" who like hanging out with him and in his place.

"Peoples like me you know," went bro.

Bien is that waving little girl. She's helping mother out.

It is raining.

Papa is working on one of his talks.

The sit to his right is mine. I'm working on a few things (including this post and others I'm planning to write today). I'm supposed to be in this picture, but I'm the one taking it.

Iana.

~~~

Maica is in the US with her hubby, Pancho, his pet, Dollar, and the baby in her stomach.

Ting is in Cebu.

groovy

2009-09-13T09:59:00.000+08:00

a story of two books

2009-09-12T21:37:00.003+08:00

21 Great Stories

"The masterpieces of some of the finest writers ever to make words come alive on paper, the stories in this volume have been selected to represent the full spectrum of the storyteller's art. Here are works of chilling mystery, far-out fantasy, superb humor, highly charged symbolism and enthralling human drama. Given sharpened focus through insightful editorial commentary, each of these tales stands distinctive in style and vision -- and all are totally memorable reading experiences."

this collection of classic stories remain my best find ever; not only because it includes the work of John Steinbeck, Edgar Allan Poe, James Joyce and Mark Twain, and it only cost me P20. it's got tons to do with the circumstance that paved my way to it. i think this story has been told several times in this blog; but one more time won't hurt.

i was on my way home from my office at General Maxilom Avenue. it's not exactly a deserted area (it used to be busy, before Sacred Heart for Boys transferred its main campus) but only a few walk on it past 6 pm. on that particular night, it was only me and this guy wearing an all-black ensemble as far as my peripheral vision allowed me to see. we were moving towards the same direction, but i felt almost certain that he was following me. i have to say though it was a certainty based on my pulse and restless heart.

Alleluia i found an open gate with a huge "Garage Sale" Sign hanging from it (i'm sure it was Divine Intervention to save me not from the stranger but from my crazy assumption). i didn't think twice. i entered and escaped my paranoia. and there, my friends, i saw this half-battered 21 Great Stories book. at P20. i was on such a high i think i went home on a taxi.

The Insolent Chariots by John Keats

"A pungent and powerfully funny book about what the American and the automobile have done to each other."

when i bought this book, i had no plans of reading it. the circumstances (again) in which i found this book draw out my interest to the point of feeling the need to purchase it. i found it at the department store of Gaisano San Carlos City (Gaisano is traditionally a crappy place to shop in; but the one in San Carlos City is just unforgivable), in a bookshelf of all-Tagalog titles. how did it find itself in such desolate state?

it was a bit funny because when i presented this book on the counter, the ladies-in-charge asked me twice if i was serious about the purchase. if they didn't expect anybody to pick it up, why did they leave it in the shelf, with a price sticker?

yep, you read that right, P21.50.

the glue that bound the pages have worn off.

treasures.

second try: Bien as my Ballerina Subject

2009-09-12T14:34:00.006+08:00

she's seven.

thank God for Skype

2009-09-12T13:13:00.005+08:00

My recently-married-recently-domesticated-now-working-on-a-US-Green-Card-sister Maica with her nephew, James.

"There's a place in heaven for the creators of Skype."

-Cat Juan

Nobody could have said it better.

first try: what Max can do

2009-09-12T09:18:00.002+08:00

sisters by water

2009-09-12T01:20:00.003+08:00

soon, we'll be the new cool.

(right, Angging? :)

how Ormoc is treating me

2009-09-12T01:06:00.002+08:00

one night (Thursday night exactly), i felt like blabbing. timingly, i owed a new email friend a reply. he is visiting from Germany so i thought giving suggestions for a real Ormoc experience would be a productive and very helpful outlet of my need to blab.

this is how my list went:

1) Hang out at the city plaza by the bay around 5:30pm and wait for the sunset. If you

choose a good day to do this, it will be a glorious experience.

2) Buy popcorn from the friendly popcorn guys. They're not selfish with their serving of barbecue and cheese powder.

3) Try the chicken skin, chicken gizzard & isaw at the Plaza Barbecue place. They may not look appetizing but believe me, they're good (especially with puso)!

4) You spent a lot of years in Germany so I assume you drink? Gilbey's Premium Strength (GPS) is the best-tasting beer ever and NOT Red Horse Beer which I assume your cousins have already introduced you to. (hehe)

Um, on another note, a suggestion for good beer shouldn't come from me. Ooops.

5) Have you ever tried the dessert called Mango Crepe? I'm not sure where this originated but many restaurants here in the Philippines serve it. The best I ever had was at the Villa Hotel here in Ormoc. It's a must-try especially if you're a dessert lover like me.

6) If you're looking for good fries, don't go to Jollibee (they serve it too thin). Go to the Villa Hotel (they serve it thick).

7) Have you had panga (grilled tuna fish)? It's not an Ormoc specialty but you must try it. You can have some prepared for you in this place called Foodstreet, which is basically a small court of stalls that offer different kinds of gastronomic experience - grilled, fried, frozen, etc. BTW, this is only enjoyable if you're cool with cowboy dining.

8) You must have at least once in your life Chocolate Fudges from Tina's Sweet Shop.

Ok, the list so far is filled with food suggestions. Should show how big of a foodie I am. I'll try to add to this list activities that don't involve eating.

9) Go drive to this small town called Biasong. When you get there, ask for directions to Fr. Libby's Seminary (Forgive me I don't know the exact name -- I'm very bad with names -- but I'm pretty sure the people in Biasong would be able to direct you to it). The seminary is located on top of this hill with the best view of Ormoc ever. In fact, there's no way to view Ormoc better than from that hill.

10) Ride the bangka. Don't forget to put on a lifevest.

11) I said no more eating but I can't help it.

Before you leave Ormoc, you better try the sisig at Chiboy's Hang Out (I'm not quite sure if this is correct; but it's the small bar is just beside the Superdome), the cheese cupcake at the Ice Cream House, the burgers at Mayong's, the Ngohiong at JCS (Bonifacio St), the Crispy Chicken Skin at Pardy's, the Hazelnut Milk Chocolate drink at Bebida's, and if there's any way you can get a pack of it, the Pastillas the Leche in Carigara (around 1.30 hrs away from Ormoc). Believe me, the pastillas they sell here in Ormoc are not even 1/4 as good as what they sell in Carigara.

~~~

post note: i forgot the balut. how can i forget the balut?

other things i forgot:

1) Batanguenio ice cream

2) Visit the Lake Danao

~~~

anything i missed, Ormocanons?

yelp

2009-09-08T18:36:00.003+08:00

ACT I:

Papa: So it seems Mama and I will be heading to the States again next year, huh?

Me: I guess so, Pop, if you want to see your first apo!

Papa: Well, you'll be here at home to look over things anyway.

LONGEST PAUSE EVER.

Me: We'll see.

~~~

ACT II:

Mama: You are so mean.

Me: I'm mean because I want to leave?!?

Mama: We're not getting younger baya, dai.

~~~

CONCLUSION:

Since my two older sisters have married and left, I HAVE to stay?!?

~~~

LET'S MAKE SENSE HERE:

I love it here in Ormoc. I love the convenience of it all. Everything is for free. I have a job in the family business to occupy me. I have my little sister Bieni. I live with my mother, and my father, too. My coolest titos and titas are my neighbors, plus my kulilat cousins. Mamita is here. The beachhouse is just a 10-minute drive away. My favorite mango samurai, salads, grilled dining are here. The french fries are not the best but will do. They're cheap. I am enjoying the company of new friends and God in a community. I don't deserve to ask for anything more.

But my ideals are demanding. They say I have to see the world. That only out there can I achieve growth. That time does not revolve around my little city. That I can't miss out on happenings OUT THERE. That I will regret when I reach 30 and I'm still in here... I've been reading a lot to continue my learning. One day, I want the world to teach me.

been looking for you since Saturday

2009-09-07T22:36:00.002+08:00

seriously, i've been looking for you since Saturday.

all i need is popcorn

2009-09-07T21:20:00.005+08:00

plaza day Monday (salamat Ka Erdy)

bien, ben, peter, kyra, andre

minus ben

doves snacking on leftover popcorn

kyra

andre

me & iana

ben and his jackson pose

cutie

the main subject of this photo is...

popcorn stains on my pants

peter

peanut, siopao, popcorn, chips stands line up along the Ormoc City Bay Plaza

very good mango shake for P5/small plastic glass

very good waffle at under P15 (thanks Ate Van! but you were closed today)

love.

stories and appreciation

2009-09-06T20:52:00.004+08:00

and i pass on to you stories of a few of my fellow attendees at Lingkod ng Panginoon's Christian Life Program.

Nica's father died of cancer two years ago. he worked as a seaman, so she never got to see him much. until cancer made him stay home.

Anne worked 2 jobs to earn her Accountancy degree. she gave herself no other option but to finish college. that meant studying 5 days a week and working 7 days a week.

Rona finished 8th in her high school batch of more than 1000. on her graduation day, nobody came to see her. her mother was vacationing in Singapore.

Em-em's siblings are accomplished professionals. since she decided to become a teacher, her father has continuously been comparing her to them.

Au is a registered nurse but at the trying times her family is currently going thru, this has placed her in an inconvenient place. her father is suffering from a heart problem (was attacked 2 more times since the first two years ago), kidney problem, and just recently, he was diagnosed a diabetic. being the nurse in the family, on her landed the painful role of explaining to the rest of the family what is happening, which inevitably includes the difficult task of filtering the hard facts to save her mother and younger siblings from more pain.

Au is only 21, and her father is 45.

because of their stories, the natural high of these girls are remarkable. they dance like there's no tomorrow. they sing to God like He's right there in front of them. they smile like their mouths are at rest when they do. they share pain as stories you're never supposed to wallow in. my dreams are hooked on what the world has in store for me; theirs is on making the most of what life has given them or left them with. so humbling is their decision to carry on and happily so.

to my sisters and new friends, thank you.

~~~

im staying to keep me grounded.

i think i should be getting used to this kind of text

2009-09-06T20:31:00.004+08:00

"Efffyyyy! I'm preggers. As per Meia's calculation (shes an RN), made in Hawaii. Apparently I was super ovulating then. Wheeehaaaa"

the text came from my sister (the girl in this photo with then-butiti ben) today who got married less than a month ago.

that was fast, sis. but bring them on!

exsa sa sa ci ted!

STANDUP

2009-09-05T10:25:00.002+08:00

i joined Lingkod ng Panginoon Ormoc for two reasons:

1) my sister Maica, one of the older and very active members of the group, would not let her invitation rest even after the many times i just let it in one ear and out the other.

2) i had nothing better to do.

i am staying because:

1) it keeps me grounded. it keeps me to my rightful place.

2) it reminds me of things that matter most.

God is on top.

RIP

2009-09-03T23:58:00.002+08:00

the voice in Markus Zusak's brilliant work "The Book Thief" is Death.

in it, Death feels.

he gets tired.

he gives breaks.

he allows more time.

he has favorite people.

Zusak personified Death.

and now, i can't help but sympathize with it.

maybe he really doesn't like his job.

Alexis, part II

2009-09-03T23:34:00.002+08:00

i still found myself today mulling over the death of Alexis Tioseco and his girlfriend.

yesterday, i tweeted of it: "seems it was not fated."

today, this rings shyly true as few people drop the tiny bit hint that it could be a reprisal for something he wrote or spoke against. well, it's not totally out of the question. Quark Henares said in the first interview he gave immediately after the death that Alexis and Nika did not catch the robbers in action. the robbers seemed to have purposefully waited for the couple to arrive home to shoot them to their deaths. Quark would continue to say that robbers working in the right mind would just steal and leave. why did they have to (wait to) shoot Alexis and Nika?

i don't know what's worst. the original notion: that Alexis just so happened to hire a person who had plotted the whole thing beforehand. bad luck. pre-destiny. of all the people he could have hired, it was some Criselda. of all the people who could have hired Criselda, it was Alexis who did.

the leering idea that Criselda and the robbers could have all been a set-up, and that the mastermind had plotted the whole thing to point at robbery. it was not fated. somebody had meant to shut Alexis' advocacy up.

i didn't know Alexis personally. i just read a lot about him and his works. i cannot imagine how his family and friends feel. because for someone as unattached to him as i am, i cannot fathom the way he went, the sudden way his light was switched off, the way his fight and his passion had just been marked with a definite end. such a wasted youth. it's almost unfair.

the facts are there. he was murdered. but why. what for? should i be firing verbal bullets at the people who had caused this instead of indirectly asking death? but if everything happens for a reason, then am i not firing it at the right target? shouldn't death answer then?

God, i am not doubting You. i want to understand You.

may Alexis and Nika rest in piece.

missing

2009-09-02T23:42:00.003+08:00

how fast time flies.

it's almost a month since my sister got married and left the day after for her new home 1000 oceans away.

we are getting used to the hole that she used to fill with her infectious presence and that she vacated after assuming somebody else's name and started calling somebody else mama.

but whenever we remember her, the hole protrudes and makes itself clear. it may never be filled again, for her job now is to fill the home she made a vow to nurture and protect with her husband.

is it this hole, its emptiness, that we cry for whenever we see her on the computer screen? or the person who used to fill it?

when Alexis died

2009-09-02T21:27:00.002+08:00

if God is the giver of our talent,

why does He allow ill-fated people to squander it.

when ill-fated people end the life of the talented and passionate like Alexis Tioseco, is it part of God's grand plan? does God fate deaths at 29, at their best though not possibly their fullest potential, like Alexis Tioseco was?

or does the work of ill-fated people an exemption? a work God was not able to stop.

i am not doubting God. i am trying to understand Him.

i was not a regular reader of Alexis Tioseco. but whenever i come across an article that recommends a latest Tioseco critique, or speaks according to his advice, or even merely alluding to him, i always follow it by looking him up. anybody could write about what they feel towards a film (i try), but Alexis was among the few in the local industry who sounded official. it's been said often -- and i was able to read it myself -- he critics intelligently.

he was also passionate, and moved many to act the same.

he was 29. it was too early for him to go. did God think otherwise? or was it just plainly, exclusively the work of the ill-fated people?

Sunday, August 30, 12.40 am

2009-08-30T00:40:00.001+08:00

it's no longer my birthday.

birthday gifts

2009-08-29T11:28:00.002+08:00

this chocolate cake looked prettier before my middle and index fingers took turns in feeding me with its thick, creamy icing and fluffy fondant (thick + yummy + fluffy + sweet = discipline can watch from the sidelines).

thanks to the brothers and sisters of Lingkod ng Panginoon.

this is the second bouquet i received in my entire life. the first one was a Get Well Soon bunch from my sister's ex-boyfriend Bennet Pongos, for when i was checked in at the hospital for dengue. this one was from my fellow workmates at the Mayong's office. i didn't expect both, which made the gesture a lot sweeter.

my parents are out of town so Mamita, who is still checked in at the hospital, threw me a party -- at the hospital (of course she had to be there)! yep, she brought in that table, she brought in extra chairs, she brought in a blender, and a lot of other gadgets. i don't think there's an item in the list of things patients and families are not allowed to bring inside the hospital premises that is not in her room.

i still got lechon in my breathe.

my bills could barely fit inside my money tin can. i use a different one for the coins. i feel rich.

i found out today there's no more uninspiring thought while trying to complete a 30-min sesh on the treadmill than that i'm getting a foot spa after.

i did not complete it.

but i got a foot spa.

i got a massage (c/o of my *gasp! what a surprise! hehe!* sister Iana)

this is the life of a birthday girl!!!

all the photos in this post were taken w/ my new Panasonic Lumix LX3.

he's a beauty.

i can't think of a better name than Max.

we're still in our honeymoon stage.

meaning, i leave him on the table and i worry it might get scratched.

~~~

my wall over at facebook is also busy. thank you to all who took their time to post a message. it really means loads to me; i guess it's that i don't greet anybody outside my close circle of family, cousins and friends on their birthdays, even on facebook.

my birthday always reminds me i should.

happy birthday to me

2009-08-29T01:27:00.002+08:00

it's 1.33 am of my birthday and im eating chocolate cake.

such is the sweetness of birthdays.

love it.

i turn 24 today

2009-08-29T01:08:00.002+08:00

... and i feel OH SO good.

it's not the state of my life now.

it's the state of the moment.

happy birthday to me.

it is indeed a happy birthday.

a quick one

2009-08-28T15:57:00.005+08:00

there's a new koreanovela on abs-cbn called Ms No Good. for some reason while watching it, i couldn't stop laughing.

and thinking...

goodness, is she my long lost personality twin?!?

i didn't expect she'd be korean!

~~~

my sister Maica saved this brilliantly cute and personality-filled real-wedding invite for inspiration later on to my own wedding.

i really got a kick at how she gushed about it; like my wedding's happening next year already!

by the way, you really have to check out the invitation.

fields of sunflowers

2009-08-28T08:16:00.005+08:00

i dont think sunflowers (in the flesh or photo) can ever fail to start or end your day with a happy thought.

think happy!

think of running across a field of them!

***

this photo was taken by an Australian blogger, Sam, during her vacation in Paris. check out her fascinating blog here.

i love them choco fudges

2009-08-27T22:49:00.003+08:00

the best are found here in Ormoc City. even better, a cousin makes them! she doesn't give discounts the whole year round though; but she gives them for free on Christmas!

it is really the season to be jolly!

fa la la la la la la la la.

***

need them happy thoughts; i just lost one valued follower on twitter.

check these out

2009-08-27T19:30:00.000+08:00

where a little blog hopping and tweeting (August 27, 2009) can take you:

1) http://www.miofightscancer.com

2) http://www.theuniformproject.com

3) http://samsnotebook.typepad.com

this is what it looks like when girls forego college

2009-08-27T08:16:00.004+08:00

one of my interviewees yesterday was a 22 yr old graduate of BS Education. she earned the degree through CHED's Study Now, Pay Later program. she has yet to take the board exam but is putting it off to work as a saleslady and save up. i hired her today.

another interviewee was 19 years old who, in the two years since she's finished high school, has worked for more than 5 employers. one of them, an old woman, offered to fund her college studies while she takes care of her. she was told, "Hinumdumi dai, opportunidad ni. Ayaw lang ipa-agi." But her mother was waiting for her at home, telling her it would be stupid to let a new job opening pass. "Mag usik-usik lang ka'g oras sige'g tuon." she listened to her mother. now, she is applying for a job as saleslady. she wanted to be a teacher.

a story from one of the interviewees stood out however. she's turning 24. but hers is the classic story. high school graduate. since then, has been scouting for and jumping from one work to another. she likes the sense of freedom earning money gives her, though it's not absolute because more than half of it she gives back to her parents.

her sister's story is the sore thumb that stuck out. she is 25. she has never worked all her life because she. DOES. NOT. FEEL. LIKE. IT. oh wait, she does sell bananacue; but only to pay for her hours chatting up old, wrinkly foreigners.

that's not the worst part. her parents let her be!

in every 10 young girls i interview, most likely, only 1 of them had graduated from college. but in the interviews, all of them wield their high school degrees like a prize. it's their standard. college is a fantasy. work is reachable, is a bit of freedom, is money for lakwatcha where their group of girlfriends meet with a group of guyfriends. one couple might make it. move in with each other without getting married, but call each other "bana" and "asawa" anyway.

this is the reality that surprises me every hiring day. and it's not supposed to be. one visiting American journalist was left open-mouthed after hearing about this from high school students in a small barrio here in Ormoc. she wrote,

"I saw a city with a lot of challenges, perhaps most of all in finding the resources to educate young people so that each new generation may build on what the last one has learned."

now, she and her friends with whom she travelled to the Philippines thru the Rotary Club Exchange Program are founding a scholarship for young Filipino girls who dare to fantasize.

so what is the point of this post exactly?

the stories i've written above are not supposed to be and do not have to happen. we should not wait for kind visitors to make that change.

third from left is Kristoff

2009-08-26T20:21:00.001+08:00

fields of daisies

2009-08-25T22:18:00.004+08:00

gerbera daisies, among all flowers, exemplify simple but elegant best.

for laughs

2009-08-25T20:57:00.003+08:00

i was a bridesmaid last year.

a maid of honor twice this year.

bride next year?

haha.

our home is raining brides!

2009-08-25T20:49:00.003+08:00

www.with--this--ring.blogspot.com is the one wedding blog that makes me want to stage a wedding of my own, with or without a groom!

but wait, one bride at a time. August 8's was Maica. October 17's my other sister, Iana. and mine will be (if everything will fall into place as I scheduled)... 2015.

be home, everyone.

Sydney

2009-08-24T23:19:00.006+08:00

i especially missed you today.

once and for all

2009-08-24T20:14:00.003+08:00

when papa resigned from his post as Medical Director of OSPA-FMC, i asked him, "Pop, aren't you sad leaving OSPA, after 19 years of working there?"

he answered, "Well, i'll never know, the time of my life is just about to come."

when people started asking (then convincing, THEN nagging) papa to run for the post of Mayor of Ormoc, i thought that holding such post, if granted him, could give him the time of his life. i believe in papa. the whole family believes in papa. i was so flattered when people outside the family made it clear that they believe in papa. that he could lead the city towards positive change. so many have come forward to show support and give pledges. we are all tired of the current government (aka the political dynasty running Ormoc's show). i want papa to run before the people of Ormoc turn completely jaded. i want him to run to end the current show Ormoc's in. i believe as many do -- he, more than anybody else, could make that happen.

Richard Gomez and his family-in-law are out in our lanai. he is running for the seat of Congressman of the 4th District, to which Ormoc belongs, and he's heard from the people that papa is the best possible running mate there is. he is here to convince him to join in the fight.

im jologs. im not a fan of Richard but i would love to have my photo taken with him. im an Ormocanon. i want to go out and thank Richard for putting up this fight. he's not the best man but he is the only one who dares. i want to join him and convince papa to run. im my papa's daughter. i know he knows what's best. i already know what he thinks is best.

and it breaks my heart.

he is not running.

meet fudges, my brown bag

2009-08-24T19:45:00.003+08:00

mother did not like the Raggedy Anne's bag i used for our trip to San Carlos City via Cebu so she bought me the most beautiful brown bag in Girbaud. i was fascinated by Raggedy Anne the moment i saw it at an ukay-ukay here in Ormoc; with the brown bag, i felt dream-fulfilled at first sight. i've been looking for the perfect brown bag since college.

3 years later, finally!

Ateneo, seriously?

2009-08-24T07:21:00.003+08:00

I was helping my cousin Alyssa decide on what course to shift to next year because Health Sciences is boring the free spirit in her to death. We were scanning the Social Sciences, Political Science, and Communication Arts programs when I noticed they all had Introduction to Ateneo Culture in their curriculum.

Ivi: Seriously, Ly? Isn't Ateneo too full of itself?

Alyssa (laughing): Yeah, and that's how we will come to hate the color green.

hahaha.

there was a short lull, during which i thought of the book i'm reading at the moment, Markus Zusak's brilliant "The Book Thief," that is set in Nazi Germany. Zusak included in his plot the Hitler Youth, which was a program formed in the 1920s and designed to make Nazis of young Germans. among things, it taught them to hate the Jews.

alyssa loves me this much

2009-08-23T22:01:00.003+08:00

she knows Cattleya notebook or any blank page would already make me happy, but no, she bought me a Tes Pasola for Karton notebook that says, "Write Here, Write Now." i miss you and a happy birthday greeting in a language only a few other cousins speak.

miss you, cute eagle! (ha, there goes the password!)

so beautiful

2009-08-23T20:53:00.003+08:00

i experienced something as beautiful as this today.

dear brothers and sisters, i wish the time when i deserve to be amongst you will catch up to me. i see God working in you and it's just amazing.

please don't judge me for holding everything back. it's my choice... that so far, even the help of the Holy Spirit hasn't changed.

on August 22, i post it

2009-08-23T20:47:00.002+08:00

for the first time, a man w/ a mustache interested me. because he was engrossed by the sunrise; because he paused before a struggling beetle (right in front of me by the way); because he had beautiful toes. and i'm almost convinced he's Piolo Pascual in disguise. Yes -- THAT cute. or so my peripheral vision encouraged me to think...

~~~

after-note: Piolo Pascual look-a-like is actually not the first mustached guy i found cute.

the original was louie talan.

the second was gilbey clarke.

laugh out loud.

after seven years

2009-08-23T20:14:00.004+08:00

i met up with a few of my favorite girls from high school (katrina, jamie, christina, and verna) on Thursday night at the Postrio Cafe in Ayala. i ordered fish and chips. jamie had a slice of pecan pie (the last bite of which i was the one who enjoyed :) christina and verna did not have dinner earlier, so they ordered sandwiches and fries. i forgot what katrina had. did you eat anything at all, dear? for dessert (second for Jamie), we all had new relationships, showbiz talk, and a pregnant friend on the table.

we rarely meet, but when we do -- in particular, on Thursday night -- it's like the years that distanced what we are now from our high school years never were. i may not reminisce about high school with too much fondness, but i could never regret it. it gave birth to our friendship. the dinner was not so much about reviving but strengthening it.

and it worked. we plan to hold a grand reunion in December.

twitter twatter tweet a twext in twitter twessage

2009-05-06T19:08:00.006+08:00

my former boss, Kenneth Cobonpue, used to tell me in our "editing" sessions that a great writer is someone who can clearly get his message across to the reader in the fewest words. that was his element -- beating around the bush (oftentimes, sarcastically) instead of saying in simple and forthright words what's wrong. in my case, i drowned the pages that he asked me to fill with too many words for too little ideas.

actually, written expression in few words is a skill that i never used, therefore i did not develop, and for which i would need a lot of opportunities to practice, to be able to succeed at it. i guess, this abundance in page mimics my abundance in verbal speak, aka i talk a lot, especially when provoked. but i like to believe i improved. there was a time when after he checked one of the pages he asked me to fill, he looked up at me and said i was doing a better job, only that, i was leaving. call it a last ditch effort to make me feel good about myself and my future, but i actually took that not with a grain of salt, but with a pinch of pride. i could say sir Kenneth is not only an artist, but also an intellectual; he speaks for what he thinks.

hi sir.

me and ex-boss

what sir Kenneth didn't quite succeed in making me do (even tho he was a paying boss), a social network did.

tweet, tweet.

this boss doesn't pay me, but it shuts me up at 140 characters. the only good thing about it is that i get to share my days without the pressure of getting down to the details. if you're a lazy blogger, you're in the wrong place.

~~~

i'm on twitter!

tigerlove

2009-04-26T21:49:00.009+08:00

if there was a recurring theme at last week's roadtrip (aside from loads of food, loads of "WOW" and loads of camera-whoring), it's tiger love, and fantasies of it. i've never seen so many of them beautiful cats in just one week. i think i'm in puppylove.

whenever i see a tiger, i see it as a she and not a different specie from a lion. in fact, it's easier for me to register that tigers are female lions. while the lion is the king of the jungle, the tigers are the queens. but of course, biology says they're not.

the tiger in the photo above, which the fil-am trainer (in green with an ID hanging from his chest pocket) calls baby, is the star at Chavit Singson's Baluarte in Vigan. anybody who dares to risk becoming chicken bones to the angst-y cat can have his photo taken with it.

it's fun, really, when you finish the photo op with your complete bones intact. but i think it's a pandemonium waiting to happen. with these moody and bloody cats, you can't just tell.

to get flicked on by its restless tail is no joke (it's quick, unpredictable, strong = painful), imagine being knocked over by its claws and torn into pieces by its thumb-huge teeth.

the tiger, whom the trainer calls baby, flicks her majestic tail at us (particularly, at me and cai). as with all queen of queens, she hates competition.

(below) tita Rina carefully carries baby Ben, in fear that if he gets a chance to step down, he'll kick the tiger like he does with all mobile things smaller than him (dogs, cats, name it) and lose a foot. after their pictorial, kyra relents and cries. the tiger flicked its majestic tail on her earlier.if Chavit's Baluarte allows you a photo op with his diva pet, the Zoobic in Subic, Olongapo invites you to an up-close encounter with their huge cats during snacktime (what better time?!?). they cage you in a safari-like jeep that takes you to their fenced jungle within the zoo. in this jungle, three of their dozen grown tigers go about freely. a reckless zoo help would lure these tigers to the jeep with bloody, raw chicken. i say reckless because he feeds them without looking whether the next tiger bite would include his thumb.

tio Perok, who visited two years ago with tita Rina and the kids (sans the 2-year-old Ben), said they used to lure tigers with live chickens. how inAnimal. somebody must have issued a complaint since they don't do live chickens anymore, just choice cuts (like the drumstick in the photo below).
queen of the jungle.
beautiful. (favorite photo)
feeling jurassic park! haha.

after the safari adventure, our zoo guide brought us to the tigers' lair. he gathered us for a briefing before entering, which i initially thought was another round of "don't stick your finger in the cage" or "don't tease them". but it turned out to be very informative. he warned us to move away if the tigers flick their tails towards our direction since it's a cue for a big piss -- not for the necessity but to mark their territory. get pissed by the tiger, sure, why not? it would be a cool experience.

apparently not. the smell of their piss supposedly is so rich and foul that it would stay with you for at least three days no matter how many shower gels you smother all over yourself.

they're not very graceful, huh?

eye to eye.can i hug you?
beautiful, just beautiful.
Zoobic's lone white tiger that, disappointingly, they call by one boring... Snowy, because she's white, why not?!?

i would never purchase a white tiger and simply call it Snowy. what about Fierce? or Beautiful? or George, short for Gorgeous? the task of naming P100,000-P500,000 should never be taken simply.
~~~
gotcha! if this were Imelda Marcos, the lady with the thousand pair of shoes would have long sued me.
haha, they're not always poised after all. looking at her in this position makes her look as easy to tackle as a monkey.
~~~
now, if only a cub doesn't cost anywhere between 100000-300000.

little miss sunshine moment

2009-04-26T00:24:00.003+08:00

at first, it wouldn't open. the sliding door to the back seats of our van wouldn't budge and slide. it got stuck. mother initially was pissed and verbally assailed on tingtong ("bantay ka sa imu papa!") for not having it fixed before the trip. we had to pass through the back door to get to the back seats.
but en route to aroma resort near bais in dumaguete from san carlos city, the door opened forcefully on its own volition! the roads must have done it -- they were bumpy and uneven and pockmarked. it must have been too much effort for our decade-old van. throughout the trip, we had to stop 7 times, or each time the door opened on its own. we lost track of the family convoy and had to depend on asking-for-directions.

i'm sure the door wanted to burst more than 7 times, but we got kuyang to lean his heavy feet against it to keep closed (see above). i already forgot how the little miss sunshine crew fixed theirs. but definitely, our broken-back-door moment reflected theirs. even mother, who was initially pissed, laughed away her high blood.

and i can hear devotchka in the background. :D

back from up there

2009-04-26T00:18:00.003+08:00

after one week road tripping across the western coast of luzon, home has become my space at the third row of our rented van beside my sister iana, and neighbors have become the 400+ kilometers of strangeness that stretches from manila to vigan.

now we're back in our house here in ormoc. i'm still reeling from the awesome-full trip, and this house in ormoc feels like a place we all go house to, not necessarily go home to.

Scared to be Susan

2009-04-14T11:24:00.002+08:00

i'm scared to become a Susan Boyle.
she's 47 years old and just found out she can sing.

she sang I Dreamed a Dream from Les Miserables at the audition for Britain's Got Talent and was received with a standing ovation all throughout her performance.

watch here.

little sillies

2009-04-13T10:00:00.005+08:00

there are a million silly little bumps in my arms, legs, feet, and hands. they usually go by the medical label allergies, defined as a damaging reply by the body to a substance. but i call them my little sillies. they invade after every beach trip the family makes, so i figured that it must be sea water. i've been having them (off-on-off-on, depending on the regularity of our trips) for years now, but it's only yesterday i finally showed them to pop. he said, "it's the sun."

but i'm hard headed. i don't live next to the beach so whenever i'm in a beach neighborhood, i spoil myself rotten and soak myself in the water and under the sun for hours. i refuse to let my little sillies win.

so after every beach trip, they take their revenge. this time, particularly, they are at their silliest, and reveling while at it. i am attending a wedding on Saturday; and a week-long road trip starting the day after. they've got 1 week to do their fullest potential and leave my body.

but looking at them now, they seem not the smallest chance, relenting! they're itchy and threatening -- the nerve!

them cruel little silly things!

Reunions

2009-04-10T08:07:00.005+08:00

one of our dearest cousins Carla (sitting, in black) is leaving for the States next week. she will be based in North Carolina with her sister Karen and her family while she waits to schedule her US board exam for Occupational Therapists. she might return in October or given a leeway, will work for permanent residence. but like with everything, we don't know.

we tried to pull a surprise despedida party for her, which did not work of course given Carla's quick senses. but the party's chief organizers, Carla's sister Katrina and mother tita Mae, were able to gather almost everyone, turning the lovely evening into a mini-reunion.

lovely, just lovely. in the span of the evening, Carla only cried when she saw all the food that her eldest sister, the sweetest Katrina, prepared for the party. it was a Friday so we only had seafoods (Mmmm...): bangus, calamares and chips (Mmmm...), seafood paella, tuna spaghetti. if we abide by Friday's no-meat rule and gained divine favors, we sinned 77 times with the dessert: cupcakes by Monique Gallego-Jarque, mango float (!!!), Tina's chocolate fudges (!!!), and buko pandan. tita Mae also fried turons (banana and nangka wrapped in lumpia wrapper).

the icing in Jarque's cupcakes almost killed me. i wasn't so fond of the base because it tasted almost plain. but i figured if it competed with the sweetness of the icing, it would have sent my calories count right up to the ceiling.

sweet, so sweet.

the oldies in a reunion of their own (that's tita Baby, tita Mae, tita Ines, and mother, with Sam and Maica).later on, we all trooped to The Outpost in Nivel Hills to watch Rescue a Hero, the band my cousin Jason is a drummer of. before the show, i asked Jason what kind of songs his band plays, and he said with a hint of a laugh, sneer, and annoyance combined, "Emo!"

the set wasn't bad at all. i wanted to make out the lyrics, but live sets don't make that easy. their music for some reason, reminded me of Rooney. but in their myspace, they wrote they are influenced by Death Cab for Cutie, Dashboard Confessional, etc etc. each of them did their job, but more kudos to the vocalist who really let his hell break loose on that stage (he exemplified Jason's "Emo!") and of course (but no bias ha!), the drummer. though i (think i) know Jason's been playing the drums since high school, i never could keep his funny guy persona pinned down to the drummer's seat. striking the drums requires intensity and angst, and Jason is very funny. but on stage that night, he tuned down his funny a lot bits and did an impressive thing with those tools. turns out i don't know my cousin all too well.

listen to their music at www.myspace.com/rescueahero.
hey ladies! the last hurrah we had after the despedida party was quite unfaithful to how we did our hurrah years back. we were more gung-ho then, taking tequila shot after shot, and Red Horse Beer by the bottles. that night, me, Carla and Iana had weng-weng (that wicked mixed drink), vodka for Maica, and Tequila Sunrise for Alyssa.

and more second shots.
~~~

a lot of crisp images from my college years have Carla in it. when we played mahjong until 5 in the morning, Carla was part of the quorum. when we gained full backstage access to a Sinulog concert with Urbandub, Brownman Revival, and Rivermaya, Carla was there, too. when we crashed Hale's after-concert dinner, Carla was there with me and Iana. each of those times i got drunk with tequila, Carla was also drunk. when i got drunk at Jason's beach birthday party and dared to walk across the expanse of white sand to the rock island around 30 meters away from the shore, Carla was with me. it was Carla who brought the green facial mask that we put on to soothe our faces before Joey's grandiose debut, and Carla who put on my eye make-up because i'm too clumsy. the first time i got drunk and puked, Carla was there beside me, sitting on the parking lot grounds. watching Jimmy Bondoc in concert, Carla and I realized together that he was hilarious and liked him instantly. I was there when she got together and broke up with a series of guys. she was there to hear me and my dreams out.

so guys, what i'm saying is that, Carla is the culprit of all my drinking sprees. :D
and made my college years a lot more fun.

Coolest Thing (Bais)

2009-04-09T21:09:00.001+08:00

the gigantic Manjuyod white sand bar in Bais, Dumaguete is one of the most awesome natural wonders i've ever been to and enjoyed immensely. i heard so much about it from my sister Maica who was there years ago but she obviously strayed in her portrayal because all along, it made me expect only a small strip of white sand, when in actuality, it's HUGE. it stretches for miles (dumagueteinfo.com measures it at 600 hectares, including the submerged areas) along the coast of Bais and Manjuyod.

if you scroll up and check the top photo, you can trace a line made distinct by where the sand bar ends and the cantil (sea cliff) begins. tingtong, ever the daring among us, wandered off to this line to see if there are corals bordering the cliff but he saw only the sand bar falling away at a steep angle to the bottom of the sea. for the first time, the cantil freaked him out. i wanted to check it out myself but missed the chance when i refused to go on my own.

but let this not worry you. the white sand bar offers a great expanse to run around in anyway, and if you're careful and attentive to the direction and strength of the current, there's no chance of finding yourself at the surface of the deep blue sea. the tide was low while we were there that even baby Ben was able to run around on his own. i would have wanted to burn myself more but the oldies were quite wary about the high tide pushing in and hurried to go home. too bad. i was waiting for the high tide so i can swim and not wade through the water. anyhow, i went home thrilled to have been there and to be able to sell this to you now.

the amora resort in manjuyod, where all of us were billeted, reserved one of the four cottages on tilts in the white sand bar. you can rent it for a whole day at P3,000 and plus P2,000 if you want to sleep over. another drawer for this area is that the deep seas some minutes away from the sand bar is a dolphin sanctuary. in fact, Bais more often go by the "Dolphins and Whale Town" than the "White Sand Bar Town".

in our plight to search for dolphins, we moved farther and farther away from Dumaguete and came very close to Cebu that i can already make out the vague green of the mountains. we came across schools of dolphins but they were not on a frenzied jumping and showing off their adorable mode. the boatmen told us that dolphins more likely put on shows on flat, still waters, and not on wavy seas. (the lesson is, start early.) but the search was not completely in vain. the search was actually where the fun was. you just get unlucky, i guess. unlike what animal shows in Ocean Park or Sea World make us perceive them, dolphins are not robots who are told what to do and fed only when they do it, they have their mood swings as well.

~~~
weirdly enough, though the sand in the bar is close to white, the shores of Bais and Manjuyod, just 15 boat-ride minutes away, are not. it's close to black (why is that?). it's like the white sand bar was never meant to be there. it's simply a huge chunk of white sand lost at sea.

the amora resort that we stayed in was huge. tio perok paid a hefty extra to have it exclusively for us for 4 days. it's not an exceptional resort but we didn't mind because the people running it were very hospitable and took care of us very well. we made a sidetrip to Mabinay to see the Crystal Cave. the road to this small mountainous town is pocked with uneven pavements and huge holes, but the Cave was worth the bumpy ride (about 45 mins-1 hour from Manjuyod).

The Crystal Cave is filled to the brim with stalaCtites (from the Ceiling) and stalaGmites (from the Ground). to say the least, i was overwhelmed with wonder (photos to follow soon).

ChinChin

2009-04-08T22:13:00.001+08:00

in my 23 years, i only had one true bestfriend.
her name was Chinchin.
i met her in my 11th year.
she died of hit and park in my 19th year.

Chin in this photo reminds me of Clint Eastwood; i should have borrowed a cowboy hat.
Isn't she lovely?
Isn't she beautiful?

(photos uncovered from littleverywhere.blogspot.com)

college, is that you?

2009-04-08T20:04:00.005+08:00

this post would not be sincere if i won't start with a confession: every now and then, i look myself up in google. i don't expect to find anything under Maria Vita Tan Rodriguez besides my current blogs and works of people bearing the same name from around the world -- well ok, i do hope to stumble upon anything that somebody's written about me (LOL). that's a long stretch of hope but i never heard there's a limit to hope anyway (LOL again).

a few weeks ago, every now and then happened and i came upon one of the many blogs i ran before ilovemyupper. it existed between may 2004 and april 2005. i had a sincerely good laugh going through personal musings from years ago. at that time, they feasted on the unforgettable Maganaka, other merciless teachers, selfish subjects, no-sleep nights, drinking sprees, brush with fame, and of course, the most relevant to my easily smittened, crushes! it's like college all over again. :D

one post i think any rocker friend of mine would enjoy is called Music to the Core. it chronicles the events of September 4, 2004. oh my gawd! i had my share of pinoy rock moments but that one was the ultimate winner. i totally forgot i had it sketched in virtual eternity in that blog. i remember hanging out with Kevin Roy, Louie Talan, Julie Capana (the-Julie-who-inspired-Julie-Tearjerky) but the small things, the details slipped through the cracks of memory. thankfully, i recovered that blog, and recovered that one day rock affair.

i shall never forget from hereon. visit O0oh, my soul! at www.littleverywhere.blogspot.com
(most probably, i just finished Rebecca Wells' Little Altars Everywhere, thus the inspired title)

blah blah blah

2009-03-31T15:00:00.004+08:00

"Raindrops falling on my head...
So I just did me some talkin' to the sun
And I said I didn't like the way he got things done
Sleepin' on the job
Those raindrops are fallin' on my head, they keep fallin'"

This week started in a sombre mood.
Grey clouds.
Rain.
Weird cold (since it's summer -- isn't it?).
At this very moment, I am wearing a jacket to ward off the cold of the aircon in the office, which is enhanced by the cold outside. Weird (since it's summer -- isn't it?).
Where's the painful heat from last week?

I hope this week won't end in a sombre mood.
Because,
I'm so excited for Dumaguete!!!

I've never been there.
~~~
Other Updates:

* I have a crush! On a smile! Shhh.

** I am now looking up on places to stay in Vigan, Laoag and Pangasinan. We're going on a road trip! Whee!

*** I'm done with Zadie Smith's On Beauty. Now I'm on to Johnathan Safran Foer's Everything is Illuminated. I love the starting pages of a book! Exziting!

**** I'm celebrity crushin' on Corbin Bleu :D (he ends his blog posts in his webby with a passage from the Bible... awww, i don't even do that)

***** Soundtrack of the moment: Rooney. Tops: When did Your Heart Go Missing, That Girl has Love

****** Obsessed at the moment with: racking my brains for juicy material for a short story

******* Healthy choices at the moment: Jogging in the mornings and afternoons, no rice, lotsa fruits (mangostine!), coffee in the afternoons, tea in the evenings, junkfood sometimes, no pork/beef if can be helped

******** Latest update on myself: nicer to my sisters, more aware of God, more understanding towards Papa, not minding mama's hormones too much, really excited for beach time
this summer (hoping there's lots of it), ever conscious of my stomach

Hmmm.

2009-03-27T09:36:00.002+08:00

It is no use to lament the sufferings of this world if our life goes on as usual.

~~~
This was taken from the Meditation of the Eight Station of the Cross, which my family and i followed yesterday at the convent in Kanangga.

Out of all the verses in the Meditation and Prayers, this was the one that struck me most. I'm not sure it's completely fair, but it made me think.

Matt on my Mind (again)

2009-03-26T23:28:00.007+08:00

Matt drove me nuts tonight. not only was he hot and sexy (as he always is with that piano -- and as shown tonight, even without it) and his voice sexy-husky, brilliant and unforgettable, he sang one of Marvin Gaye's originals that i really enjoy listening to -- let's get it on. the song is very sensual, but i like to think of it more as playful. and Matt was tonight! :D

i think this is his best performance so far, at par with his take on Ray Charles' version of Georgia On My Mind. i can't wait for him for the next few weeks!

my other steady faves:

anoop desai sang "oooh, baby, baby." his voice is so handsome, i wouldn't mind this guy lulling me to sleep. (while Matt can serenade me)
i actually enjoyed megan corkrey (i don't get their megan joy -- it's boring, so not her) tonight, but the judges thought her vocals were all over the place.

~~~
adam lambert went notches lower and did a terrific job with this Smokey Robinson original called tracks of my tears. (he looked really handsome tonight -- if only he weren't gay, i thought he'd make a convincing zac efron)
allison iraheta was unforgettable as usual. i always forget she's 16. wow.
the judges were not fair to scott mcintyre. honestly i thought his voice didn't match with the song he chose (you can't hurry love) but i have to give him props for his effort to bring the tempo up as he had been advised last week. he did a good job tonight.

it's a good week again at AI. oh wait, with Matt's let's get it on, it's an unforgettably ZEXY week.
~~~
i might have to do an exemption to my self-imposed don't-watch-the-elimination-show. joss stone is performing tomorrow. whooop! love that funky!

happy at the moment, part II

2009-03-25T20:51:00.015+08:00

in the past few days -- and TODAY -- anywhere beyond the reach of the electric fan or the aircon has been piercing hot! but of course, it's SUMMER!!! everything in the photo BUT that body is how i want to remember this summer by. water! come to me!

this photo was supposedly taken in Dumaguete. we are going to Dumaguete next week (sabay whee, wheee, wheeeee! so Dumaguete (sandbar! dolphins! the beach works!) has been filling the cracks -- dead spaces -- in my daydreams :D

i'm proud to say that in the past weeks, i've been doing a lot more fiction-writing than blogging. it has long occurred to me that i've got so much extra time in my hands now i'm living the probinsyana life and doing mostly assistant work, but it's just recently i decided and committed to making use of this extra time to do some writing, fiction this time, which was a great part of my grade school and early high school years, and which i lost in college; and in the process, assess if i have anything else to justify my penchant for this craft (aside from blogging of course).

already, i realized i can draw more words for stories largely based on real experiences, not necessarily mine but any that i know first-hand. i hope by the end of the year, i'll be able to finish a few short stories that i won't cringe at :D first deadline is at the end of April. why? i'm not telling.
this book is dragging but interesting. the author examines events in the lives of two ordinary families by digging into the emotional and psychological make-up of the members. the events or plots are familiar -- cheating husband, obese wife, double-faced, all-righteous professor, clashing views, growing up kids -- but the author defies convention of tackling these by giving an explanation or straight away, dishonoring from the position of the offenders or the offended. (cheating can never be justified, but take it from Zadie).

anyway, of course, you didn't understand that amateurish wannabe critique so here's a link to a comprehensive and a credible critique from NY Times.

if i may add, it only took two mentions for me to buy this from among a thousand of choices:
1) from a magazine 2) from sir larry

i am so proud of my blogs. i don't think my readers total to 5 (and i don't think they read regularly) but this never discourages me. i guess i blog because i want to, and not to be read. it releases.

and from anais nin, we write to taste life twice: in the moment, and in retrospection. there is no truer delight than reading something i wrote 5 years ago (as in the case with my hand-written journals) or on the same day last year (in the case of my blog).

jogging! (i do! seriously! and i have to thank my sister Iana for getting me into it)
BAGUIO!!! baguio will always be the place where i ran on the stranger streets in the wee hours of the morning with two chummies and where, heartbreakingly, ely buendia snubbed me and the same two chummies (no hard feelings ely, we love you).

next month, i'll be experiencing it again with my grandmother (who asked me to go with her) and some family (whee!). i am so excited!!! definitely, no more crazy running at 1 am or street hopping at 2, but heck, Baguio's charm can do without it. i just love the atmosphere up there!

after the Baguio trip, my own family (pop, mom, sisters, bro), will meet up with me and the rest somewhere there to proceed with a week-long road trip (whee!!!). i can hardly wait!!! we are going to Subic, Pangasinan (Hundred Islands!!!), Vigan, where the wind mills are (i have the name at the tip of my tongue), and might pass by Enchanted Kingdom on the way back to Manila. whee!!! rollercoaster!!!

the family in the photo (from the famous Little Miss Sunshine, one of my faves) does not reflect my family in any way, hehe. just want to make that clear. weren't they on a road trip to albuquerque in this scene? yep, they were. thus, the photo. :D

i got my SIM back! guys, you can now textmate me again. i was so excited when my phone (which i haven't used for 3 months already) played the familiar Nokia tone as i turned it on -- meaning, it still works! whoop! i got even more excited after i texted my friends when they texted me back! i thought, after the 3-month abandon (during which i refused to own a cellphone), that they're pretty much done with me cellphone relationship-wise. but no!

haha little joys.

a big MIGHT on this one: the plan for some of us is that we will meet end-April to go to the beach or do a PJ party at somebody else's place (like lysa's Park Lane Hotel ;). yayyyyy!

again, MIGHT.

sidenote: i am happy that i maintained my friendships with a few of my college buddies -- most especially, with bernie, bam, jane, kara :D -- but i miss the rest. i miss gee's words of boost, vera's continuous search for true love and even her lostness, hera's adventures and misadventures, jackie's always-hyper presence, lyza's energy and humor, the duo: tiff and jessa's craziness. there have been a lot of falling outs, i'm sorry to say, and even sorrier that these can be fixed if only we can have a moment together again. but that will not happen because everyone has grown up and apart from each other. why bother touch base with the past again when everybody is happy where they are? sob.

i should stop listening to eheads' minsan :D

lastly, i'm hoping this summer will produce a lot of bonding time for us girls to make up for the summers for the rest of our lives. alyssa, second from left, is going to Manila for college starting June this year and the world knows where that is going to take her. iana, middle, is getting married in October this year and L.A. knows where she will be for the rest of her life. maica, next, is getting married in August this year and L.A. (and hopefully, Ormoc) knows where she will be for the rest of her life. Carlyn is in Med School, and well, hospital knows where she will be for the rest of her life.

i am not doing anything special this year. but who knows?

~~~
as my mother would correct, GW (God Willing).
only HE truly knows. :D

~~~
first part of the happy series, photo exhibit, was composed on April 29, 2008.

~~~
if you noticed, there's no item of food in the list, unlike in the original series. :D
i'm seriously aiming for 120 lbs by august!

jologs mode

2009-03-18T23:28:00.002+08:00

i want to give Ms KC Concepcion the benefit of this doubt and wait (before i rant) for the first episode to air to confirm or disprove my hunches that she can never do a Vivian, as in the unforgettable character of Vivian played by the lovable Kim Jung-eun in the much-loved Korean TV series, Lovers in Paris.

however, my mother cannot ease herself and her worry that the Philippine version will not do justice to Lovers with its choice of actors. my mother usually does not worry over Koreanovelas, much more what other countries do with them, but Lovers in Paris is an exemption. to say the least, my mother is a huge fan. she herself has lost count of the number of times she saw this series from start to finish over a span of few days, until around 3 in the morning. she once attempted her focus on learning the ABCs of the internet just so she could sign up for Park Shin-yang's fan club. Shin-yang of course is the actor who portrays Carlo.

so during one fine lunch, thinking my friend Jane who works for ABS-CBN's Creative Communications department translates to an inside connection to the network, my mother requested that i write a letter to the channel's powers-that-be to preempt and undo the damage before it happens. i laughed at this request -- then i saw the news that Piolo and KC were on their way to Paris to start filming. seriously??? ok, here's my mother's deal that i think makes sense and which i trust.

as any fan would surely know, Vivian, the female lead, is not an ordinary female lead. she's not too pretty -- she's only cute. she's clumsy, she's quirky, she's funny -- in short, everything that KC is not and could not even pretend to be. KC's features are too sharp, she's too glamorous, and she has that one KCness that's been proven by her past projects and mentioned time and again by critics -- the seeming inhibitions of her acting. she's too conscious a stray hair might land in an angle that will confirm her resemblance to the last drag queen. i know the effectivity of the job of an actress, and her eventual success, is ultimately measured by how she can fit into any role that she's given. KC should at least be given the chance to put this one on, no matter how mismatched both may seem. i guess we just want to save ourselves from the cringe fest. even now, thinking about KC doing a Vivian makes us cringe. she won't turn out cute as Kim Jung-eun did; but only trying hard.

the finality of this role came as a shock. when word got out that ABS-CBN was going to do Lovers in Paris, it was Sarah Geronimo in our mind, and Lloydy. if not, then Kim Chiu. but i guess it's too late now; KC at the moment is already using her French in Paris.

~~~
by the way, KC made an attention-grabbing remark in an interview that was published in an article called What Keeps KC Grounded in Philippine Star.

“Other Kapamilya talents with teleseryes, like Bea Alonzo have been around for a long time. And here I am, getting the same kind of projects they’re getting,” gushes KC.

i don't think this elicited the appreciation and admiration that she was certainly expecting. quite the opposite: it just reminded people the perk of having Sharon Cuneta for a mother. there's no case with KC's talent -- she sings, she acts -- but both these combined is not enough to have landed her in leading roles so fast, so automatic like a press of a single button only. if that's the case, then Sarah would have starred in a movie opposite John Lloyd Cruz 5 years ago. she wouldn't have needed to work her ass off all the way to the top.

For some reason, i enjoyed the Idol's Cowboy Week

2009-03-18T22:00:00.004+08:00

anoop got back on track tonight. well, actually, i didn't think he sidetracked at all with his Beat It performance last week, but the judges thought it was not worth the spot they gave him in the Idol. tonight however, they heaped praises for his performance of Willie Nelson's Always On My Mind and made Simon's "zero to hero". Whoo! Whee! i think his best matches are ballads and r&b -- not really the genres i listen to -- but with that voice, i am willing to do some tweaking with my audiosphere.

ever since his take on Ray Charles' version of Georgia on My Mind, Matt's musical inclination has been pushed towards the area of blues and soul. i think it's right since his connection with the piano and his soulful control of a sexy, husky voice fit the bill. i am also a big fan of jazz, which Matt has been effectively representing to the young and youthful Idol audience, and has made it relevant. to simplify everything that i love about him, as what i told my sister Iana, "I love any guy who plays the piano".

Megan Joy (what happened to Corkrey?) was in her element tonight as well. the personality she showed in her auditions (with Can't Help Lovin' That Man) is not lost on her. she remains cute, quirky, no-fuss. the only change i can note is how, layer by layer, she is showcasing her vocals, which i did not sense earlier but now, can see that there's more beyond the quirky. i can't wait for her to reach her fullest potential. MTV wrote an article that she's too cool and too Regina Spektor (as I had commented when i first heard her) to win the Idols. Well, who knows she's going to be the change that the Idol needs to stay relevant. MTV will then have to choke on its words :D

in my post, UNinspired ranting (dated February 7), i placed my bets on these three hopeful idols, but since then, i started liking other candidates: Allison Iraheta (i have a strange automatic liking for singers with husky voices -- must be that my voice is also husky), Adam Lambert (power), Lil Rounds (she's fun to listen to now -- definitely better than Fantasia Barrino), Alexis Grace (especially her Aretha Franklins).

by the way, i don't watch decision episodes anymore. i hate cringing while waiting for Seacrest to finish his spiel and announce the goners.

watch out

2009-03-18T19:36:00.002+08:00

there are several reasons why i'm watching out for this one:

1) they used Regina Spektor's Us in the trailer. i love Regina Spektor and Us is one my favorite Regina Spektor originals.
2) i am a fan of Zoooey Deschanel. she's cool -- she sings and she plays the guitar.
3) i remember the guy (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) from teenybopper magazines like Smash, Teen, etc that my sisters and i used to collect, and of course, from 10 Things I Hate About You. i want to see how he fares with a much older role.
4) the synopsis goes:

When Tom, a hapless greeting card copywriter and hopeless romantic, is blindsided after his girlfriend summer dumps him, he shifts back and forth through various periods of their 500 days "together" to try to figure out where things went wrong. His reflections ultimately lead him to finally rediscover his true passions in life.

i think it sounds like a fine idea for a love story. i wanna see how it goes and ends.
5) it sounds like another love story, but it received attention from Sundance -- it must not be just another love story.

soon.

Charcharan

2009-03-13T08:37:00.004+08:00

as my dearest friend Jane works for ABS-CBN, every Manila trip takes me (when i'm staying with her) to the famed white halls of the Quezon City home of the kapamilyas (yayk, so showbiz). on my recent trip, we went on a Sunday, around 3 pm. Jane needed to complete the following week's trailers for Max Ravelo's Lastikman (let me plug: 9.30 am every weekday). en route to her office, i crossed my fingers in big hopes i will bump into a star, any star, hopefully any of those coming out of the Studio 10 where ASAP is filmed live.

and i did bump into one (though she was VERY small and not to mention, SO snooty, that i didn't feel any bump at all). guess who?!?
yeah, that kid even Oprah, THE Oprah Winfrey, likes. and i will always wonder why. WHY?
i maintain that it's all luck she gets to sing with Celine Dion and rub elbows with Kate Winslet.

~~~
curiosity got the better of me. she was FULLY made up, wore a crisp, white polo, a black corduroy jacket over it, a necktie, exhaustingly tight red pants, and if i saw it right, a pair of boots. ASAP was over. i asked if she had another show to go to. she snapped with an unmistakably forced smile, "mag re-recording ako." HoooWOW! looking like that? you have to give her A+++ for effort.

sound of death

2009-03-11T15:25:00.006+08:00

death whispered to me on Monday, that Monday immediately after the Eraserheads' FINAL SET. while most likely it was just my hunches pulling a trick on me, my heart started to beat fast and my eyes watered. i realized then and there how much i dreaded the thought of dying without saying goodbye. i swear two forces were fighting within me. one was telling me to calm down.

i tried that -- i stared and cooed at the first baby girl i have ever met with the name Josh, who was on her mother's arms at my left. but it didn't work. and besides, i had to look away as my eyes were filling up with water. i got my current read out of my bag and focused on the story. but i used it instead to hide my crying. the other force won. i searched for the cellphone in my bag and quickly composed a message to Maica. it had to be so quick and unedited i would have regretted that message if i did die that day. but at least Maica would know that in my last days, it wasn't only the Eraserheads in my mind. i told her the story of our delayed flight and that i brought garlic peanuts for pop, original jelly beans for mother, new toothbrush for Bieni, and cinnabon for her and Iana. in the case of safe landing in Tacloban, i made sure to write a plea at the end of my goodbye message to Maica not to laugh at me.

on my flight back to Tacloban from Manila on Monday, while the rest of us were already seated and ready to take off, three checked-in passengers did not show up and did not retrieve their checked-in luggages from the plane. i initially thought it was stupidity, or maybe emergency. then the flight stewardess went on the PA to apologize for the delay as the flight cannot proceed with the luggages of the missing passengers still on the plane for security purposes. security purposes. SECURITY PURPOSES.

and then it hit me. why would three passengers go through the hassle of checking in (and hassle in a Cebu Pacific flight is a whole different level, let me tell you) and backing out at the last minute without getting their bags back? how stupid is that? well, not necessarily. not if it was an emergency and they couldn't wait for their bags to be taken out OR if they were a bunch of terrorists who wanted to bomb the plane. it's a pretty smart terrorizing idea actually.

i could barely sit still with my predicament. i acted cool in my text message to my father, apologizing to him as my plane would be delayed. i was this close to adding "I love you pop, thanks for everything" at the end but that would be very awkward, especially if i come out alive. i trimmed my choices down to two: 1) get off the plane and risk being sneered at and remembered for being a sissy by the rest of the passengers, AND being reprimanded by pop for my obvious lack of faith when the plane arrives in Tacloban in one piece without me, 2) trust Cebu Pacific that it will retrieve ALL bags connected to the missing passengers and if they fail at that, risk getting on the questionable plane and die; death didn't scare me as much as dying without goodbye did anyway. so i sent that message to Maica.

of course it turned out i was just being paranoid at its best. what can i say? earlier at the check-in lines, i spotted 3 Middle Eastern men, all handsome if i may add. they were all wearing aviator shades and each carrying a huge, black luggage with rollers. back in the plane, this successful demonstration of my fine photographic memory terrified me. three missing passengers. three Middle Eastern men, all handsome if i may add. crucify me for such mean racial association. my emotions betrayed my principles. i couldn't stop thinking of that scene in Final Destination, when the airplane erupts a little after take off and the ball of fire spews metal parts in different sizes and shapes to the air. in those few times i was able to veer my thoughts away, it only went to the clutches of those 3 handsome Middle Eastern men.

my 2:50 pm flight got delayed for an hour. we arrived in Tacloban in one piece, at 5 pm. all throughout the flight, i swear i was imagining how long it would take a bomb down in the luggage room to reach its intensity in the passenger's cabin. does it take only 3 seconds? does the bomb take its time to establish a thrill factor before it engulfs the whole plane in fire? does it have a step one (shake the plane really hard), step two (make it immobile while suspended many thousands feet off the ground, ala slow motion in a movie), and step three (spread the fire!)? death whispered to me on Monday, and i didn't think it was a joke. i said goodbye to my sister Maica. i cried for Josh will never learn how to face up to her classmates who would make fun of her name. i feared for my life, and even more, dying without saying a proper goodbye.

and well, i also didn't want to be remembered as that daughter who died on a plane crash on her way back home via Tacloban after a weekend in Manila watching Eraserheads sing "Tikman ang Langit."

~~~
and on a final note, as soon as we entered the domestic airport in Tacloban, i looked around to see if i could find the 3 Middle Eastern men, handsome if i may add. most probably, they were among those surrounding the conveyor belt, waiting for their huge, black luggages with rollers.

ooops, i didn't find them.

~~~
i got a whisper. lola Gloria got a call, which she answered rather too early (1 am on Sunday, March 8). her weight at 87y.o. (200+ lbs) weighed her down. she was outlived by her sisters, Lola Laura at the hospital for diabetes and Lola Maling in bed for cancer. the youngest among them, Lola Rita, would push not to let these two know that lola Gloria already went ahead.

death is a sad reality that is only actually real when the new dead is somebody you know and whose absence will be felt.

rest in peace and in your eternal beauty, lola Gloria.

eventually, i'm gonna do this so i might as well do this now

2009-03-10T22:47:00.009+08:00

janey and me, waiting for the show to start

janey and kara, happy Coke-inspired smiles
the guy at the back, problematic

big fan, all alone but had more fun than any other member of the crowd
love her shirt!

waiting for the MTV hosts to shut up and the countdown to start

ely!
eraserheads!
the guys (Raymund's back, Buddy, and Ely) convene on stage to decide the songs for their "Three for the Road" extended encore. they decided on Ligaya, Sembreak, and Toyang. thankfully.

that's me when i'm exhilarated (which rarely happens)!
despite the many imperfections, i love this ME.
semi group hug (awww)
the most requested in both the Eheads Reunion concert last August and in the Final Set last weekend was not a song, but a GROUP HUG. throughout the concert, whenever this request was thrown on stage, Ely would say, KAYO MUNA.

watching the Eraserheads perform live was like seeing Ang Huling El Bimbo, Magasin, Minsan, Sembreak, Ligaya, etc come alive. before that night, i enjoyed these pinoy rock classics only from music players, from the canned karaoke machines or from random and stray a capella singing mode that many rocker friends have the tendency to burst into out of the blue.

these songs may have been immortalized by CDs and by other forms of records, and by the youthful glories and failures of millions of Filipinos that they soundtracked; but with the THE band's break-up and seeming indifference to what IT used to be, i thought these song's fate was sealed, and they were never meant to be coming from a stage again, from the guitars, drums and microphone of the four men who gave them their place in the pinoy audiosphere.

so to speak, finding myself singing these songs along with tens of thousand of fans, in an atmosphere thick of nostalgia, and to the live accompaniment of THE band was almost i-have-to-pinch-myself surreal. these songs have been made immortal by process; that night, they became real, like it's really THE Eraserheads all over again.

Buzzerbeeser wrote a detailed piece on his FINAL SET experience that goes like a blotter report. Sharlyn Ang was in the VIP area and have exciting photos and even more exciting rundown of highlights and goings-on that i didn't see from all the way my meager P1,300 could afford me to be. as revealed in her page, the piano Ely burned nearing the end of El Bimbo was the exact one (again) immortalized by the cover of the Stickerhappy album with the naked Joey Mead. now that's closure.

right here, i want to write down my favorite parts of the show so i will not forget:

1) Magasin opening the show. i have always enjoyed the sheer comic of this song.
2) Maling Akala, theirs didn't sound as theatrical as the more-membered Brownman Revival's did, but it sounded more real, or let's put it this way, it was clearly Eheads street-smart material.
3) Poor Man's Grave. this is one of my fave Eheads' songs.
4) Marcus on vocals in Huwag Mo Nang Itanong. as Randy J of AI would say it, he slayed the whole crowd with the reggae version.
5) Raymund on vocals for the intense songs: Slo Mo, Alkohol, Insomnia. he was really intense, and Ely didn't seem to mind.
6) Ely's rendition of Kailan (lounge version), with Jazz Nicolas on the piano. enjoyed his sensual and teasing tone at the end, "Kailan ako lalaya? Sa anino ng pag-iisa. Mga rehas lang ang tanaw. Nanginginig sa seldang maginaw."
7) tribute to Francis M with Kaleidoscope World.
8) Minsan never fails to remind me of college. this song that night had me teary-eyed.
9) Ang Huling El Bimbo. For a moment, nearing the end of the song, i didn't know where to look: at the fireworks, at Ely's dramatic piano-burning gesture magnified in the screens. but looking around me, i wasn't the only one confused.
10) I'm not sure if another soul in the crowd noticed, but it seemed to me Ely wasn't at his usual on-guard self, especially at the end of the concert when he freely roamed the stage, and jumped off the stage. compared to himself in the first reunion concert in which he looked stiff and wanted only to get the concert over with, in last weekend's show, he was clearly having loads of fun. it's only Ely, but i was exhilarated (refer to my face above). well, must be that it is Ely.
10) the Eheads "Three for the Road:" Ligaya, Sembreak, and Toyang. to say the least, i was overjoyed (refer to my face above). that was very unexpected -- in fact, janey, kara and i were halfway out of the gate; but we ran back to the concert grounds like it would save our lives.
11) Ely's exit, "We ARE the Eraserheads."

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

rest in peace M

2009-03-06T21:04:00.003+08:00

when Francis Magalona was encouraging his kababayans to be proud of their nationality, i was still a kid. a few years later, i would first hear of his most famous song and probably at that time, could not have been able to tell it apart from Andrew E's songs. and besides, i was still screaming for Backstreet Boys and Take That in a boyband-crazy phase my sister and i picked up from our Cebu-based cousins. (breathe out now, that's over)

i remember first appreciating Francis M after hearing Kaleidoscope. in college, i wasn't able to escape his music since the people i hang out with were big fans (they ultimately would be the biggest influences of my then budding love for OPM). they made me see M's brand of love for the country. i did not become a fan, but i started to admire him.

when my sister relayed to me the news late this afternoon, i could hardly contain my surprise. the last i saw of Francis M was in Yes Magazine. at that time, he was supposedly recuperating from Leukemia. i am saddened by this loss. i believe it's too early for his place in the Philippine culture to be vacated.

Rest in peace, Francis M.

~~~
on the news this evening, it was reported that Francis M was scheduled to appear in Eraserhead's Final Set concert tomorrow, to do his part in Superproxy. that's another loss for all, even for me, because if i haven't mentioned it yet, i'm doing it now:

I AM WATCHING EHEADS TOMORROW!!!

to go or not to go (and i'm talking about EHeads)

2009-03-05T23:01:00.003+08:00

i hesitated a lot of times today, which shouldn't be a surprise since by nature, i am hesitant. i rarely make the dive for anything with a spontaneous vigor. there are always 1,000 things to consider, and i don't take considering easily. but i should have known better -- if there was a P1,600 Tacloban-Manila-Tacloban Cebu Pacific ticket available and a P1,300 entrance to the Final Set of the Eraserheads' reunion, i should really have thought twice about being hesitant.

plus, plus, plus, i wasn't going alone. i was meeting up with two precious buddies of mine, Kara and Jane, and this trip decided at the 11th hour would have been an anniversary to some cheesy degree of our Baguio jaunt last year. really, i couldn't think of anything worthier of my audiosphere than humming and singing along with these girls to the tune of Eraserheads. but i hesitated for as many times as adding up to hours, and before i knew it, gone were the P1,600 ticket, the "it fell into place"-perfect Cebu Pacific schedule... and most probably, this trip altogether. (i have one more chance by calling up the Cebu Pac office first thing in the morning and see if there's still a seat left in their 600 pm flight tomorrow evening, at less than P1000).

to my defense, the grounds of my hesitation were valid. my mother said an outright NO. so i called my pop who, on the other hand, sounded too willing i shrieked, "thank you for your support pop!" but i didn't want to go ahead without at least the shyest hint of YES from mother, so i told Maica not to book me the P1,600 yet. that would be my hesitation at its worst. now, a few hours have passed since that P1,600 flashed in my screen, but i don't think it will do me a favor and flash back again.

honestly, i wasn't all-out sure i was up for this 11th hour date. after missing the first E-heads concert, i told myself i'm not gonna miss the second if it was gonna was. but nobody with the intention to go came forward until this morning. it was a rush that was exciting but i didn't see as appealing as it would have been had it been decided in the 5th or 7th hour. (like i said, i rarely take spontaneous dives)

surprisingly, the more apprehensions i had, the more i wanted to go just to find out what these apprehensions are up against (and i'm not just talking about my mother's straight NO). i mean, last year, when i went to Baguio, no apprehension hounded me. but today, my mind was filled almost to the top that i wanted to know what would happen if i ignore these and go on with the show. my excitement tripled. first, for the eraserheads. second, to see Kara, Jane and me together again after a year. third, to validate or invalidate these apprehensions.

but as for now, my chances are glum. like the first one, i might just be watching this final set from You Tube reruns. sucks.

hello, goodbye

2009-03-04T23:01:00.002+08:00

i started a new blog called finding ormoc. i've been trying to sweep words over different pages these past few days, thus explaining the lengthy absence. i hope the dust settled here at least.

a few minutes ago, my sister entered the room to announce that the Serafica matriarch died after a short bout with breathing difficulties late this afternoon. though she is in her 70s, her family thought it was just one of those bouts. she does not have a serious illness. she still travels. she still moves around. it was meant to just be one of those bouts. it was too late to say a last bunch of words when fate revealed it meant today's bout to be the final round. while my sister tried to decipher how one plain afternoon turned out to be the death of somebody we know (and somebody's lola), i couldn't help my thoughts from wandering to our Mamita. i guess it was my sister's mention that the Serafica matriarch lived alone that pulled Mamita in this photo. Mamita lives alone.

i guess i caught my sister by surprise when i said, in a half daze, "Mamita should start building her house here." it was not even a statement; it was a demand to somebody who doesn't have any amount of authority to make that happen. Mamita continues to live in a 4 bedroom house in Bonifacio Street, some 5-10 minute drive from where I and the rest of her Ormoc-based family live in walking distance from each other. i want her a walk-away close too.

it should be suspicious of my trust in Mita's number of years left to suggest this in the wake of the death of somebody else's lola. but such death is a reminder once again of what we don't know. Mamita is more awake, alive and enthusiastic than my mother, in her mid-50s, has ever been. but she is 76. she gets butt pains. thank God, she's never had a seriously hard time breathing. but at times, she takes with her a breathing apparatus to ward off asthma. to say the least worrisome state of my emotions now, i am worried. whatever happens, i just don't want her to be alone.

new meets!

2009-02-23T09:04:00.005+08:00

i'm so excited. i finished 3 profiles for my special project, www.strangersonce.blogspot.com, over the weekend. hopefully, i'll stay at this pace. after all, i am setting my enthusiasm at a billion entries by the time I expire. with only 20 entries at the moment, that is a tall order. anyway, please check it out if you want:

1) Daniela Gigante, an Italian masseurs I met in Sydney whose life took shape along the contours of the passionate and reckless relationships and flings she had nursed in the past, and is at a full bloom with a new love in whom she has found her soulmate. She is not a character in the movies, believe me.
2) The Old Woman, who I met only for a very short time but has shown me the Christmas Spirit in that land down under where Christmas, unfortunately, is either all about Santa Claus or a grand sale in a major department store .
3) Peter, my favorite student in my short stint at a Daycare in Sydney.

Enjoy.

for laughs

2009-02-21T10:57:00.002+08:00

Imelda Marcos gets a special mention at perezhilton.com. newly Globe-awarded Mickey Rourke was compared to her when he got busted with 80 pounds excess in his luggage supposedly filled with shoes! there's a mention of Victoria Beckham, but the Imeldific is up there in the heading.

this is an evolution

2009-02-19T19:46:00.003+08:00

last week, i was on my way to my piano lessons when my mother and sister convinced me to go to the spa with them. so i canceled my piano lessons for the sake of my well-being. today, my mother and i were on the way to the piano house when i convinced myself that i needed a haircut. so i canceled my piano lessons for the sake of vanity.

it's a development, at least. as far as my memory can take me, i've never been to the parlor to have a service as simple as a haircut done and paid for. in the past times i cared enough about how my hair looked, i trusted my mother or my sister Iana with the scissors on, across, all over my hair.

today was a first. whee!

V-day kind of love

2009-02-15T10:31:00.002+08:00

on February 13, 2008, i was out drinking and debating about love and relationships with Sydney Uy, that big-mouthed Espanol who apparently was looking forward to drinking and debating about love and relationships as much as i was that night. it bordered on a serious fight. good thing by the time we finished, it was Valentine's Day, and all of us in the table were drunk. who fights on Valentine's Day and in a table where everyone is drunk? so we said goodbye and head off to our own ways and means of being single.

last night, February 14 2009, lysa and i met up with fellow singles at Pardy's. i had two glasses of vodka with unwanted cherry and lysa, 2 glasses of Tequila Sunrise. i used to love Tequila, but now it's too strong for me. gawd, i'm old! well, i'm better, my sister Maica who is engaged and is getting married in August, only finished one glass of vodka with unwanted cherry and already, wants to break poise and drop her head on the table.

i texted Anya, my cousin and fellow no boyfriend since birth, a rather giddy: "Yang, i hope today inspires us to stop waiting and start looking so next year, naa na jud tay date!" Gretta, a fellow single who was in our table at Pardy's last night, said, "Ivi, isn't it better to wait?" well honestly, i'd rather wait. but in waiting, we are watching time and life as lived out more by other people pass by. i waited, and i said goodbye to my job and to Cebu. i waited, and the end to my 3 months of Sydney came up. i waited, and my two sisters are getting married and are leaving me. all those waiting, nobody happened. so yeah, i might start looking this year.

but i think again, and i think this time -- why should i keep on reminding myself and fill up my time with the need to have a boyfriend? i've never had a boyfriend since birth, and i'm fine and healthy. i think again and i think this time -- there's really no need of a boyfriend, but to be able to experience what the movies portrays as a walk hand in hand by the beach, what music croons to us as a dream we can speak to and rest our cheeks on, what our friends engage us in stories for hours with, what my sisters who seem to be happy being single, are willing to say goodbye to single life for. it's that great. i would want a piece of that, or even just a bite.

meet Erica

2009-02-14T17:52:00.003+08:00

i just revived my special project www.strangersonce.blogspot.com with the addition of the profile of my cousin Erica Borromeo. i actually want to concentrate on that blog and not this one (ilovemyupper), but writing about people can get exhausting at times. sadly, my fascination with people does not freely come with the ease of translating their interesting characters into words. but i'm not ready to give up or kill that blog. i am quite proud of it. my motto: one profile at a time.

i am now working on several profiles, including that of my parents, a writing teacher Larry Ypil and Daniela Gigante, one of the interesting strangers-once i met during my sojourn in Sydney.

soon.

vrrr-day random thoughts

2009-02-13T21:08:00.004+08:00

1) the Aga Muhlach and Ann Curtis' drama was lousy at its best. the script. ugh. the acting. ugh. (it's like Ann Curtis from her GMA-7 days). the story. not strong enough. bad. bad. bad. 2) i love my parents' bed. they are in Iloilo now so my sisters Bieni and Maica and I took over. 3) i can't wait for the buffet dinner i'm having with my sisters, grandma, and cousin on V-day night.
4) i can't wait for my parents to come back from Iloilo. i told my mother to bring home Napoleons.
5) it's difficult to read F. Scott Fitzgerald. i'm on to his The Great Gatsby.
6) i just read Time's 100 Best English-language Novels list by Lev Grossman and Richard Lacayo. Grrr, out of the 100, i only read 2! Catcher in the Rye and How to Kill a Mockingbird 7) i still can't get over my sister's "No Wayyy..." in response to my: "Ian, if you marry in December instead of October, that's more single time for you." and yes, she said: "No Way..." That guy sounds like an escape more than a one true love
8) i miss my nephew Gabe

9) tomorrow is the 23rd V-day that i'm not receiving any show of admiration or even at least appreciation -- probably the 7th year that i care
10) there's not a decent tagalog drama series on TV now. i think it's because i'm not following any
11) Gerard Anderson is really cute though -- the not-really-my-type-of-cute CUTE
12) i finished 2 bars of Cloud 9 tonight. tonight, dinner was 2 bars of Cloud 9 and i-lost-count-of-the-number-of-packs of Lumpia, this P1 cheese-flavored air junk that my sister iana is crazy about
13) i just decided to get on Twitter. i signed up way back 2007, and had not updated since i signed up.
14) there's no possible way Paul Rudd can get any less cuter (watching Knocked Up, a movie in which he plays a role that's very unfair to him).
15) i am frustrated with myself.
16) i don't have the tiniest amount discipline in me. i told myself this afternoon that tonight, i'm working on an essay. instead, i finished an Aga Muhlach-Ann Curtis drama wreck and blog.
17) i hope i end up with a geek, like Seth Rogen or Michael Cera.
18) this random thoughts listing is frustrating -- it confirms that i don't have too many random thoughts!
19) i love bubbles!
20) i love Cloud 9s.
21) i miss hanging out with my college friends and being the Vita i want best.
22) that Charlyne Yi is lucky. she's dating Michael Cera.
23) i love lacing my fingers with my sister Bieni's fingers.

24) i miss hearing from my high school friend, Jesseca. where art thou Jess? miss dinnering with her and Jamix.
25) i'm sleepy.

Whattup Jamal

2009-02-13T11:33:00.000+08:00

last week, i stumbled across a spoiler list of the American Idol hopefuls who are in the Top 36.
last night in Star World, the spoiler list, which the blogger claimed as 99% accurate, was confirmed. it was 100% accurate. i was hoping there was a mistake in the spoiler list, especially in the case of Jamal Rogers, Danny Gokey's bestfriend, who was not on it.

though his gravelly voice in his final solo performance in the Hollywood Round 4 auditions started a bit hoarse, he shifted it to the right husky amount eventually, and through the end of his reggae rendition of "Hey There Delilah." it was a memorable rendition, and i can't believe American Idol did not honor that by putting him in the top 36. definitely, he was better, and not to mention, fresher and inventive, than a lot of those who did get in the Top 36, say for example Casey Carlson (hello Colby Caillat!) and Kendall Beard (Kelly Prickler, is that you?). i am so disappointed!

to calm this disappointment down, i'd like to think they deliberately did not include him so as stave off any fight that could possibly come between the two buddies. but then again, do they care? that would have put more drama to their show, and consequently, higher ratings. they did not include him because they didn't want to. he didn't make the cut.

and i repeat, Kendall Beard did?

My Great Story!

2009-02-11T23:30:00.001+08:00

there is a book in my humble collection that i bought for P20. at the moment, it's the cheapest in my collection, but by far, the most memorable. i bought this from a garage sale along Gen Maxilom Avenue in Cebu more than a year ago. what makes it memorable is not the price, or the title, or the quirkiness of the idea of a garage sale along a street where not a lot of streetwalkers pass and where no car could easily stop, park, and shop.

i was on my way home from work walking along that street when i started getting anxious about the black-clad man walking a few steps behind me. from my peripheral vision, there was nothing suspicious about him (you might say his blackness should have given him away, but hey, i wear black too!). i was obviously acting on a hunch but my anxiety was already spurred, and i couldn't calm it down. i needed to turn left but that would have been suicide since on the left side of the sidewalk was one of Cebu's main thoroughfares. on my right were private properties, on which either a house, a ngohiong-an, a fenced lot, a carenderia stood. an exit was further down that sidewalk.

i hurried my pace. either i turn back and go the opposite direction (and face him for a few seconds), quicken my pace to lengthen the distance between us to 50 meters perhaps, or i should make an exit to one of these private doors (shoot, i already walked past the ngohiong-an!).

lo and behold, my Savior! a colorful sign pointed to a garage sale just a few steps away. my exit! on that very day i needed one, a house decided to put up a garage sale (it wasn't there the day before and the day after). thank God! either He wanted to save me from that man (meaning, my hunches were correct and he was a bad man) or from my anxiety before it killed me. thank God!

i pretended to be interested in the fares (VHS tapes, who still have the old players to play them in?) until i saw the P20 book and got really interested.

21 Great Stories, copyright 1969. there's short stories from John Steinbeck, Edgar Allan Poe, and Mark Twain. i wonder if anthologies like this one are still printed. it's a chipped copy, looks like it passed many hands. i will its final destination to be in mine.

Matt on my Mind

2009-02-11T21:10:00.005+08:00

Matt Giraud performed Georgia On My Mind on his piano in the 3rd round Hollywood Audition aired tonight in Star World. For singing that song (Ray Charles version), I'm loving him more than I already do. So yeah, i'm hooting for him this season.

Anoop Desai, as expected, was all talent tonight as well.

UNinspired ranting

2009-02-07T22:49:00.003+08:00

i think i've never been so uninspired in my life.

1) when i was in my late grade school and early high school years, my mother would regain consciousness from her half-asleep state at 1:00 am only to reprimand me for staying up that late and in front of the computer. those years gave birth to her "You are ruining your eyes!" reprimand-slash-speech. the reason i was up that late in those years was so i could finish my novel. yes, i used to have the discipline to sit down and write. i hardly write these days; i simply blog.

these days, my mother is on to her speech as early as 11:00 pm, but i no longer stay up that late (well, it's not that late) in front of the computer because of a story my mind's all fired up about and can't wait to put an end to. these days, i stay up to go on youtube and look for videos. or blog. or go on a wiki spree, meaning jump from one wiki page to another. or check my emails. or check on my friends thru friendster and facebook.

useless internetting.

2) the last time i religiously watched American Idol was Elliot Yamin's season which he didn't win but which i followed like a dog because it was Elliot Yamin's season, and he was my man. my years of schooling were about to close then and i had spare hours to catch every Yamin episode on Star. in the immediate years that followed, when i was already working my day time hours away at Kenneth Cobonpue and my spare time for the Cebu Daily News, i had less than enough focus left to do the AI cycle as religiously as Yamin's year. so i didn't.

now, almost stripped off any responsibility and challenge, i'm back again on the AI fanaticism with more intensidad. i already know for whom to save my hoots: Anoop Desai, Matt Giraud, Megan Corkrey. if all them fail, these guys should be able to save my fanheart: Danny Gokey (surest bet), Scott Macintyre, Stephen Fowler and even the funny guy, Nick Mitchell. Yep, rooting for boys this year. (i did not include Lenesha Young in the list because according to the spoiler list of the Top 38, she is not in. why, why, why? i also missed Frankie Jones. why, why, why?)

3) so far this year, i've finished 2 novels (Toby Young's How to Lose Friends... and Junot Diaz's The Brief Life of...) half-read 2 (Bill Bryson's Down Under, Khaled Hosseini's A Thousand Splendid Suns). for a self-admitted painfully slow reader like me, that's a feat. before, i span a 500-paged book throughout a 2-month period. so either i'm reading faster now, or that i have so much time to read. or both.

4) i fix the bed before i exercise with my sister iana in the mornings.

5) i took up piano lessons (ok, this couldn't be an effect of my being uninspired -- or maybe, in the first place i took up piano lessons to fix my state of uninspirededness)

6) i am so uninspired i couldn't think of any more manifestation of my uninspirededness. oh well, who cares? i'm the only one who suffers.

Crazy Toby

2009-02-07T08:21:00.003+08:00

so i emailed a complaint to Da Capo press because my copy of Toby Young's How to Lose Friends and Alienate People skipped 25 pages. a customer rep replied today asking for my address so they can replace the doomed copy. i didn't even ask for it! :D

~~~
despite the 25-paged skip, i thoroughly enjoyed Toby Young's memoir of his pursuit of career and a bit of glamour in New York's glossy magazine industry. it has abundant humor, mostly taking in the form of self-deprecation. of course i enjoyed this, but even more that he gives a juicy and panoramic account of some of the most exclusive events and clubs in Hollywood and in the High Society, which he either forced himself to be invited to or gatecrashed. it's not ALL that though. Toby is quite perceptive and insightful. he expands the depth of his memoir by relating the views in Tocqueville's Democracy in America and (his father) Michael Young's Rise of Meritocracy to the superficial operation that the New York's magazine industry runs. so i'm glad he introduced me to Tocqueville and brought to my knowledge his ideals without having to read Toc's book. makes me feel a bit smarter. haha.

i have to say this is one of the best memoirs i've read. if you like funny, you'll love this.

i wanted to write 25 as everybody did, but i could only do

2009-02-04T23:40:00.002+08:00

Random Things About Me:

1. i am a slave to blogging. when something out of the daily grind happens, i don't ring a friend. i get on my blog and post away. i'm this close to going crazy because at the rate i'm blogging, i'm still not earning a single centavo. don't i deserve a single centavo?!?

2. it's the 10th (liar! possibly 20th) time i played Billy Joel's And So It Goes today. weird, but i like listening to the sadness of the song. it's a really sad song. i wish my heart was broken now, so the moment would justify this irrepressible fancy i'm nursing for the song. i'm weird like this. but i ask, do we have to go thru or be in the moment the song is sountracking to enjoy it?

3. when i found out the novel i bought for P718 skipped 25 pages (25 pages!!!), the first thing my mind suggested to do was to email the publisher and threaten to sue them if they don't fly me a new copy. it's Toby Young's How to Lose Friends and Alienate People, for reading's sake, and i am thoroughly enjoying it! 25 pages matter!

4. i sometimes get too impatient about the Wednesdays and Thursdays -only schedule of American Idol i wish time would skip Friday, the Weekend, and the first two weekdays. lazy bone!!! but really, i am a big fan of the show. the last time i was a big fan of the show, Elliot Yamin emerged 3rd runner up. now i'm planning to hoot for the Indian-looking guy with the bad style but power voice, for the rastafarian with the voice that is not too strong yet remindful of Mishka Adams and the likes of Ella Fitzgerald, for the girl who tattooed her entire right arm, and who sang after Amy Winehouse-like Frankie Jones in her first audition (i think it was a Regina Spektor original), for Frankie Jones, and several others. maybe i should officially start hooting when the number goes down to 24.

5. i decided to dedicate at least a day per week to getting in touch with friends. when i arrived from Sydney, i chose not to get a new number. instead, i'm sharing credits with my mother and my sister Iana. i noticed tho that i'm using this as an all-proof excuse for my laziness to stay in close contact with my dearest. "sorry i was not able to call when i was there! i don't have a phone!" to cure me of such unCOOLness (or let's say, antisocialness), i made it compulsory to myself to remind at least a bunch per day per week that i'm still alive and our friendship is still on. it's either i call them or message them thru Friendster. these trying times, Friendster is the cooler way to go. or FB, as in Facebook.

6. one of the vivid images of Sydney that i cannot forget was at the Mosman Saturday market. a trio of white-haired old men with cotton blazers and golf caps, one playing drums, one organ, one bass, was playing bebop, and this big blonde lady in a huge skirt and a pair of sneaks danced to their music. i enjoy watching people dance but never have i enjoyed as much as when i was watching that old lady. i can still remember her face, the red bow that tied her seemingly unruly hair neat, her smile at my nephew Gabe when he stood gaping at her. she gave me the go-signal inspiration to pursue jazz in any form, in any way. maybe i'll learn the dance, i'll train in playing piano for jazz, i'll study the music, i'll support its survival. any, in due time.

7. i can't stop dreaming of Glebe. it's a suburb near the Central Business District of Sydney, which i fell for at first stroll. i first visited Glebe to get a copy of their local paper. i did get a copy, but more than that, i found a place i felt so comfortable in. it has a vibrant community and European feel to it. the settings of the cafes extended well to the sidewalk. most of the houses in the neighborhood have homey terraces on the second floor and small patches of garden in front, and stood side by side with quaint little cafes and second-hand bookshops. if i'm going to pay for an apartment in any part of Sydney, it would be anywhere in Glebe. just to be part of its community would be an Australian dream come true. i would visit this suburb two more times: the second time was to look for a cheaper copy of Andrew Zuckermann's Wisdom (to give to pop), and the third time, to buy a copy of Junot Diaz's The Brief, Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao. i could have easily done those tasks in the city proper (and saved myself an extra bus ride) but i just had to use both sound excuses to experience Glebe again, and a one more time (for that trip anyway).

8. i haunt and shop for books with the same intensity as any regular fashionista haunt and shop for the best wardrobe buys. it's a sin, considering my painfully slow reading pace. but i love any new book. the feel of its freshness in my hands, the smell when i flip the pages close to my nose, the first sentence that could decide for me if it deserves to be read through the finish or not. i wish i could read at a one-book-per-week pace, seriously -- if only so i could accommodate more books in my lifetime. i'm a major geek in this way.

9. i am a frustrated writer. but not frustrated enough to stop dreaming of that one day i would publish a book that will change lives. even just 6 of them. that's still a valid number to me.

10. i am back at taking piano lessons because i want to be a jazz musician. (if you want me to be honest about it). but don't take me too seriously on that. i won't kill myself if i cannot master Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. but if some plan of God's, i achieve that, it will be an added blessing. no, a miracle!

i am

2009-02-04T21:57:00.004+08:00

i was looking at my friends' Friendster pages tonight. while at it, i couldn't help but feel a tinge of disappointment with myself. many of my friends are doing what they have set out to do or what they didn't set out to do but end up in it and loving it. jessa now works for a regular GMA Cebu lifestyle show. she is part of the crew that does everything from the planning to the producing. vera leigh is a reporter for ABS-CBN Dumaguete. she was canoodling with the corporate world for a while before she decided it was not the world she wanted to report to everyday. bern is a happy manager at a McDonald's branch in Cebu. tho his schedule is erratic, he gets to do what he loves: meeting people and seeing that everybody is comfortable. jane catherine was a Creative Writer for ABS-CBN Manila before she entered law school. among all my friends, it's jane's spirit i admire the most. not that i ever had an inkling to enter law school. not an iota of an inkling, which is sad because it would be cool to be a professional; a lawyer at that. but it's jane's spirit to set out to get what she wants that leaves me wishing the most. i don't think she has ever set her heart on anything and not give it a try. i have a spirit, but it's not as strong as hers. i also admire jessa because she has been through a lot of shortcomings, but all along she was sure of what she wanted and set her heart out for it.

i think i have what they do, but i'm already too comfortable as things are. it's this comfort i enjoy that's set me back from a lot of things. this is since college! i lived in a comfortable house while in college so unlike my friends, i hurried home almost every after class. my parents let me continue staying in this comfortable house even when my siblings went home to Ormoc, leaving me on my own. i stayed there through my short-lived sales and marketing career at an export company. it was so comfortable i didn't bother getting a social life. i had HBO, CNN, Etc to go home to and a soft and wide yellow chair i could easily sleep on. i never made it to Manila for many reasons. but in the end, i thought, what stopped me short of getting a plane ticket was the lack of courage to live, Manila way, the same way as Jane had shown me. i enjoyed the MRT but it wasn't comfortable enough. i have inches of a spoiled princess in me; though i have to say, i'm considered a cowboy compared to my sisters.

it sucks i'm the kind of person who asks too many questions before taking on a challenge and even an opportunity. i pause too long. i think too much. never had i said an instant yes to an invitation that could have given me a big break. a case in point: there was an opening in CDN for a copyeditor. my good friends at the lifestyle department encouraged me to apply since i'm qualified. but when i found out about the erratic hours the copyeditors have to work with, i shivered, and intentionally failed to pass an application. there's only one instance i can state right now in which i said yes without batting an eyelash: Australia. but that's traveling; who says no to such an opportunity?

you get me right? but you don't have to understand. i have long promised myself never to miss any opportunity, big or small. it's those years of turning my back to these that years after, i come to regret. i'm still 23, and i've made too many regrets already it's almost unhealthy. i realized that being happy with life as it unfolds everyday is different to being happy with where i am right now. not counting Australia which my pop made possible, and not some thorough work on my part, i haven't done anything THAT significant in my life.

maybe this is just a random rant . maybe it's how i actually feel. but this post should remind me that tonight, while cruising thru my friends' friendster pages, i felt there's something missing in mine.

important questions

2009-02-02T22:33:00.005+08:00

she is not the first to suggest.

Madame Maga: kung nakakita imu mga igsuon og banahunon nga naa sila dinhi sa Ormoc, makakita sad ka uy!

my father made the same suggestion, but in different words and in a different kind of discussion.

me: pop, i can't leave Ormoc only after 5 years! i'll be 27 by then, and anha ra ka mangita og boyfriend? you know i can't find while i'm here in Ormoc [because there's nobody here]! (revised from actual dialogue to sound more dramatic and desperate)
father: why are you saying you can't you find a boyfriend while you're here in Ormoc? look at your sisters! they found boyfriends while living here!

*looking at my sisters*

and it's at this point i would (uber)humbly acknowledge the perceptible evidence (let's not present it as a fact, lest my sisters go on an ego trip), "pop, [i must say] they're more physically blessed than i am! so even if they were based in the remote areas of Samar, they'd still find themselves boyfriends!"

i really don't know where i get my argument these days. but these seem funny or right, because my father laughed and my sisters consoled me.

because really, if the physical inequalities are not the reason, why, in my 4 years of study and 2 years of work in Cebu, and 3 months of discovering in Sydney, i haven't found a boyfriend. what's wrong with me?

is it that i'm too drunk when i'm drunk?

and too sober when i am not drunk?

or is it that i am a-OK on my own, i don't know how it feels to have somebody, so i wouldn't know the difference (and the fireworks that coupled ones say they experience with that special someone), thus i am not looking for anybody, or even trying to. may Cupid care for my carefree soul. i do want to know what is love, not out of the TV, not out of novels, not out of other people's experiences.

and though the past years haven't given me anybody despite my daring pronouncements, i dare pronounce (again) that this year, is my year.

~~~

my only consolation is that my sisters make me see i'm fat, dark, and not as pretty, but don't make me feel any less special. *aw*

or else, i would long have dipped their beauty gadgets in my dog twoshe's poo. (goodluck to your pimples ian!) *good idea*

keyed up childhood piano dreams

2009-02-02T21:55:00.003+08:00

back in grade school, my mother forced my sisters and me to piano lessons. every afternoon after school, we drop by at the piano house, sit beside the teacher for the one-on-one (at the same unfortunate time, be within a foot away from her stick), and then hurry through the compulsory solo practice after the one-on-one. we dreaded our piano lessons, least of all reasons was that it robbed us off our after school social lives.

but the reason that in my 6th grade brought me down to my knees and pleading my mother to let me drop the lessons (my sisters by this time were no longer taking lessons), was that i was convinced the piano house was only the outer surface of what is truly a haunted house. i lost count of the instances when a fellow learner would hurry out of the room where she was practising because "somebody" played along with her on the piano; or when my mates and i would huddle in fear when sound would erupt out of an empty practising room. our teacher, madame Maga, always dismissed those instances as products of our hallucination, but her denial was up against several of us who "heard". there was also one time, it was nearing dark, when a bat whisked its way inside the house. i could not forget the uniformity of that moment, acted out by all of us who ducked out of its flight almost at the same time.

so that ended whatever hopes my parents had of a piano virtuoso for a daughter.

years later, i would be sorry i quit because of my failure to dispel grade school hallucinations (or were they real?).

today, i went back to the piano house. it was weird climbing up the stairs to the front door. it seemed a long flight back when i was a kid, but now, i see it's actually just a few steps. was i lazier back then? or it's simply that everything that seemed big then are small now. we grow, our perception of things change. it's the most normal thing, but while at the moment we are taking it in, it all just seem so weird.

i'm happy to find the same teacher, madame Maga, is still alive and teaching. i didn't find her with her trademark stick, but maybe, when i show to her i'm as forgetful now as i was hard headed before, maybe then she'll stick it out. i'm happier to find the walls painted dirty white so the house looks bigger now and somewhere light and happy that bats would be ashamed to invade. and happiest that madame Maga scheduled my lessons at 930 am. whew. better be extra safe than getting a bat-induced shock of my life again.

and what of the supernatural hallucinations? hmmm...

maybe it's about time i make amends and make friends, whether they are for real or plain products of my paranoid mind. i only hope they don't play along on the same set of keys as i am.

Conrado found again

2009-01-30T22:30:00.002+08:00

i miss Conrado de Quiros. he has a column in the Opinions Page of Philippine Daily Inquirer called "There's the Rub". way back in college, i caught it only on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but now, it seems to appear more regularly, which is good even for me who doesn't have daily access to PDI. whenever i chance upon a PDI copy, there's a better chance for me to load on the latest rub, de Quiros way, which is individually or at all together, well-researched, insightful, sarcastic, funny, and exhausting (only when he overloads on PGMA trash-talk).

my father has long since transferred his subscription to Phil Star. he reasoned out that Phil Star chooses its head lines with more care and presents its stories in a manner more credible.

whatever, i love my PDI. i have journalism credits with my Mass Comm degree but to figure out which national daily selects and writes better headlines is beyond, er, above me. i read the headlines to keep abreast of the important goings-on (and i don't just mean showbiz), that's it -- it's not a natural instinct to compare who presented it better (punish me, Madame Tabada!); but i read the lifestyle section because my favorite writers are there. in this section, who writes better matters. PDI houses my favorite all-Filipina wordsmith, Natalia Diaz, the undying writing career of Ms Pamela Pastor (who i started reading way back high school), and of course, Mr de Quiros. Phil Star also houses a bunch of writers whose works i look forward to reading like the Penman Jose Dalisay, the Twisted Jesseca Zafra, the zombie Igan d'Bayan, and the funny RJ Ledesma. but the second bunch don't excite me as the first one.

anyhoo, back at Mr de Quiros. to my luck, my lola Gloria reads PDI and kept the past few days' copies in the hospital room she's billeted (thankfully, it's just ulcer -- Get well soon Lola!). it was great to flip straight to the Opinions page and find "There's the Rub!", and even greater that in both times this happened, Mr de Quiros did away without his usual Gloria trash talk. the first i read was his take on Slumdog-Millionaire. i laughed at this, "Slumdog has a simple premise, which is really what brilliant flashes of inspiration are, something that was always there so that you wonder why you never thought of it yourself."

true, true. the second article is his take on the rise of blacks from slavery through the years, with a victorious culmination in Obama's oath taking as the 44th President of the United States. both really good read. enjoy.

cebu weekend

2009-01-30T09:59:00.006+08:00

my cousin Daniel taught me how to play poker, and along the way, robbing me of my P50 (which i had to borrow from my sister, another P50-robbing victim). i didn't mind learning poker at all. in fact, i am proud to say i know how to play poker! wheee! not that i need another outlet thru which i can bury myself deeper into no-moneyness. it's just the simple proven fact that i'm usually slow in learning the ropes of card games, well, except for monkey-monkey, 1-2-3-pass, or in category, games that my 6 year old sister already can play. so to learn a card game that ben affleck organized an international competition for (it's that smart!) is just "get out of here!" i'm part of that club now. and who knows, one night, i might learn how to smoke, drink beer out of huge transparent plastic glasses, do the drowsy eyes, brave the dim-lighted room, master the "i've got the best chances with my two cards" bluff, and mend the heartbreak of losing P50 with another bluff.

learn the game, act out the part, be the best bluffer. i got the game down pat.

~~~
watched The Curious Case of Benjamin Button and Slumdog Millionaire in Cebu. both are great stories, but i'm pretty sure Slumdog Millionaire is the story that more people will sympathize with and appreciate. Slumdog is based in the Q and A novel by Vikas Swarup and already, i'm itching to get a copy of it. one critic said that Swarup has flat prose. i can't tell now when a prose is flat but i can tell it's a negative critique. still, it remains a brilliantly-crafted story, it's filled with human interest, it's drama to the core. and i love all that chiz.

with regards to the presentation of the story however, Benjamin Button (based on F. Scott Fitzgerald's short story) seems to be more deserving of a Best Picture Award. but i guess judges want more drama, and David Fincher nearly emptied Benjamin Button of unnecessary drama. while Slumdog on the other hand, is rich with it.

~~~
i finished The Brief, Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao. Oscar is now my favorite loser. he grew up a loser, lived a loser's life, and probably to him the events immediately before his death made him a winner but to die at such a young age alone, plus having been deprived of so many joys by his loser-ship, by any standard, he died a loser. but the good thing about his loser-ship is that he dreamed, and he dreamed big. he continued to write and get inspiration from his geeky world of graphic novels and science fiction. at his best, he loved like he was equally loved in return. his unflinching belief in love is no doubt what is most endearing about him. and while he was at this, he also had faith in that he will find love that gives back to him. he fought for this devotion to the end. the only consolation about his tragic end is that he was able to find it. somewhat a lesson to all who have never had requited love that believing in love goes hand in hand with having faith that there's somebody out there for you.

best 2 scoops in a cup ever (ode to Gelatissimo)

2009-01-29T19:45:00.000+08:00

imagine my surprise when while pausing to take in the gorgeous make-over of Ayala Cebu's Lagoon from just a lagoon into the family-and-friends-reunion friendly but pocket-hostile The Terraces, my usually half-blur vision turned crystal clear as if seeing Piolo Pascual in the flesh for the first time and lingered unusually long and excited on a familiar marquee font spelling out G-e-l-a-t-i-s-s-i-m-o. Gelatissimo! la bellicimo en vida!

can you imagine? let me help.

while i was in Sydney, Gelatissimo was my favorite companion -- the one i could only eat anyway (my journal for the good reading it would make later, i couldn't dare take a single bite of, and my ipod, no way at PhPPPPP and hours invested and virus braved for download time). i savored each of the 2 scoops in a cup i had like it was the last cup of such goodness in the world, and it wasn't because of the price (AU$5.20).

ok, it was more than anything else, for the price.

but the 2 scoops in a cup was also, in significant amounts, a comfort to me. it did not cloud my vision and turned the Opera House into my family, but solitude would break and drop at the sight, selection, and taste of Gelatissimo goodness, or in no-drama terms, i would forget i was alone when i have a cup with me. i searched for it, consciously and unconsciously, in a sparse community as Sydney like a Tom would for Jerry, and upon finding one, would not spend a second to evaluate if i wanted one or not. that it was a goodness break to my day, it was worth every AU$5.20 shellout.

there are probably a dozen or two more gelato brands scattered in Sydney (makes it seem like gelato was discovered there and not in Italia), but to my good memory, Gelatissimo stood out because it had a name easiest to remember (who remembers Slovenpick? or Royal Copenhagen ice cream?) and their marquee theme is so catchy, fun, and ItaliUn. it makes you think, "if it's not ice cream, it's got to be cotton candy!" you get me? i did try other gelato brands (Slovenpick, Royal Copenhagen, Mondo), but i wasted most AU$ and my previous years of dieting to Gelatissimo.

me thinking i could never enjoy its goodness once i'm out of Sydney, as a rule, i didn't have a second scoop of a flavor i already tried. here are two entries from my Sydney sojournal that tell of my little deadly affairs with this ice creamery (deadly in that it built up to 15 more pounds for me -- good thing they don't weigh passengers at check-in):

November 21, 2008, Manly Wharf

My first cup of Gelatissimo had a scoop each of Creamy Caramel and chocolate. Both were very good they pushed for a very good first impression of the franchise. My second cup, which i'm still enjoying now, have Biscottini (Italian Cookies and Cream) which has a very pleasant taste that I can't associate to any taste that's familiar. It's just... pleasant. The other scoop if Macadamia and Caramel. It's impressive. There's not a piece of Macadamia nut but essentially, it is macadamia. you can really taste the nut in it. There's no caramel though. Where is it?

What's with ice cream and chips? I just finished a cupful, now im craving for chips! Grrr!

November 27, 2008

My 3rd cup of Manly Wharf's Gelatissimo: Profiterole and Choco Chip. The Profiterole had no taste to it at all! The Choco Chip bland as nothing.

~~~
while in Cebu, i wasn't able to control my appetite. i had 3 cups with 2 scoops each. Ayala Center Cebu, ground floor. Close to Fashion Ave and an ATM Machine. Which is a bad thing, since the ice cream is irresistible and at P150 for every 2 scoops.

thought of the day

2009-01-29T10:19:00.003+08:00

just a while ago, i told my mother i want to go back to my piano lessons.

"unya, magpapalit nasad ka og piano? naunsa naman to ang imo violin? asa naman to? kausik! ipagawas! ipagawas! kay ato i-bitay dinhi sa gawas!"

"and then, you want us to buy you a piano? what happened to your violin? where is it? it's such a waste! such a waste! bring it out! i'll hung it here outside!"

i know i was never a sticker. i took piano lessons all throughout my elementary, then violin in college. and i didn't stick to any. it never stuck to me. or in more appropriate terms, i didn't hold on to the bow long enough.

but still, i didn't expect that response from my mother. i even made it clear that i'll be covering the cost of the lessons. grrr.

i'm gonna start on Monday.

(that is, if i get to it anyway)

~~~
btw, i shocked my sister a heart's beat long when i asked her out of the blue this morning to teach me to drive... a car. the idea of me driving (or teaching me to drive) was both a source of hilarity to her and then the next second, a big threat, her heart actually skipped a beat.

"i don't want to die yet," she always told me, and the rest who've asked why i don't drive.

she advised me this morning to think hard about it.

*think* *think*

muy delicioso!

2009-01-18T10:15:00.008+08:00

longganisa, Vietnamese style (in honor of my cousin's wife, Phuong, who is Vietnamese and who made her own recipe because she didn't like the one made-in-the-Philippines)

as much as i would like to spread muy delicioso to the salivating world, im afraid it's not up to my goodwill to decide since it's not my recipe. if you're a really good cook though, you can figure out what ingredients i used (including the secret recipe!) and how much of each, just by looking at this photo (can you?).

~~~
halfway thru Junot Diaz's The Brief, Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, and i want to wax my sentences with Espanol!

"Un delicioso!" I said of my longganisa after my first bite.

"Muy delicioso!" My mother corrected me. I couldn't argue; when she was younger, she spoke in Spanish with her parents at home. so now, she still has bits of Espanol in her tongue.

Diaz's work also made me want to re-learn Spanish. i like the power of Espanol that bursts thru when one of his characters gives another a piece of her mind. i'm just a reader, but i feel i'm witnessing, as if i'm there as one lets her hell loose. either Spanish expletives have that extra power in print other languages don't, or maybe Diaz is simply that much of an effective writer.

but as far as the part of the novel i'm reading is making me feel, i think it's overrated. Diaz reminds me of Rebecca Wells and her Yayahood series, albeit (and thankfully), he's a little more restrained. Rebecca Wells was all out in her country-girl speak. Junot Diaz has a little self-control, of his Dominican-ness. and he's funny, i give him that. laugh out loud funny. the way he draws his characters is also very convincing you can actually see them (i see Oscar Cabral in Jonah Hill; Lola in let's say, Nicole the Pussycat Doll).

and most importantly, he makes me want to finish the novel. it's not to make the buy worth it (as is the case with some of my other books); but i sincerely want to know how Oscar's fate becomes the brief, wondrous life. so let me finish the book and there, i'll put a finality to this solo gaggle.

isaw break

2009-01-17T23:38:00.006+08:00

my sister iana and i took our cousin Alyssa for a break from her studying (3rd quarter exams start on Monday) and went to the city center for french fries at Jollibee, but it was already closed when we arrived. so we went to the plaza; first for siomai, then we decided we didn't feel like smelling siomai sauce, so we had chicken cholesterolled skin, puso, isaw, and batikun instead. it's really sinful at 9.30 pm, but we rarely indulge ourselves this way anyway.

walang katulad. isaw, baw.

the last time i saw Alyssa was in October so we had a lot to catch up on. she seemed to enjoy listening to my adventures down under, but her attention span needs a little stretching. hehe love her still. she is insightful at 16, and sees many things with childlike wonder. she is now at an important crossroads in her life. she has been admitted to Ateneo but she is not sure what to take.

though i have some things going on or coming for me, i envy my cousin as she is just about to embark on this part of life. i know i made the most of my time, but there remains a lot of things i want to have done or accomplished.

anyhoo, no regrets (or no more time that can be wasted for it). i'm really happy for her, and even considering moving to Manila next year so we can hang out and become groupies together. haha that would be some time.

after all things fat, alyssa and i had our favorite nutty chocolate from Bebidas. this place started out as a coffee shop, but now, it's where people go to drink. their nutty chocolate however, remains unaltered and is still among the best hot chocolates i've ever had.

it was a good finish to a potentially blahhh night, and a Saturday at that. iana thought of it at the last minute. "well, we should really uplift the state of our social life, Ian," i told her, comparing ours to our sister Maica's, who we barely saw the past few nights.

chicken, isaw, the plaza. wow, aren't we on a good start?

me and alyssa, all tanned, glammed, sun-fried, beach-chilled in Camotes.
future adventurers. right ly? :D

~~~
isaw is chicken intestine. yeah, i hear you. shut up. get a stick, dip it in soy sauce, and eat. let me know.

lettuce-deprived

2009-01-17T16:36:00.005+08:00

i was so frustrated this morning to go to the local markets and not find lettuce, parsley and mint. every stall keeper i approached for lettuce brandished a huge cabbage at me. if they didn't tell me it was cabbage, i would have bought it. why do cabbages and lettuce have to look exactly the same and not taste the same?!?

i do not remember the last time i was there at the markets; but definitely, that last time was not to buy vegetables. thus, the near mix-up of cabbages and lettuce. today was somewhat my coming out in that social arena, and it's my cousin-in-law Phuong's summer rolls recipe that did it.

while i was staying in her place, she thought me how to cook. she's vietnamese, so naturally, she taught me to cook in vietnamese style (lots of fish sauce, lemongrass, and vegetables!). one of the many recipes i loved was the longganisa Phuong-style. Phuong was inspired to make her own since the one she tasted in Manila did not appeal to her palate. she leaves it to the lemongrass, garlic, and tocino mix, then the grilling to make her version stand out. and indeed, it's very good! i remember her telling me, "Ivi, after you taste my longgastine, you wouldn't want to get the ready-to-cook package anymore!" (don't worry, i already corrected her; Phuong, it's longganisa)

indeed. tomorrow, i'm planning to grill some for sunday lunch with the clan.

i wanted to buy lettuce, mint and parsley to make summer rolls, which, in Phuong style, use rice paper and beef, or longganisa, to go with the vegetables. i brought a pack of rice paper from Sydney, but none of the preferred vegetables was available, so i'll have to put it off.

we have to get better than cabbages.

fashion overhaul

2009-01-17T14:30:00.001+08:00

my sisters were caught unawares when i emerged from our room in a black skirt they have never seen me in or remember seeing me wear.

i had just arrived from Sydney the day before and the first thing i did was haul my overworn and had-not-been-washed-for-a-month jeans out of the luggage and throw them at the laundry basket. staring at the dense closet i share with two sisters, this black skirt was the most comfortable piece of clothing in sight. i put it on without any second thought and apology to my unfashionably inglorious past of all-jeans wear.

as it was the day after my arrival, my always fashionable sisters automatically related the sudden change to my 2 months and 3 weeks in Sydney. true, but i would rather word it as Sydney enhancing my confidence in dressing up. by confidence, i mean not inheriting a selective process as stylish as my sisters', but by steeping my psyche more into the notion perfectly worded by Eleanor Roosevelt, "Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent," or in simpler terms, "Do not care what other people say."

i already had it in me but i didn't take full advantage of it yet. in Sydney, there were only 15 people out of its 4 million inhabitants who can identify me. anonymity was its best gift; and consequently, taking after Eleanor's advice was made easier. what the heck if my top and bottom are a tragic match?!? or that the dress doesn't look good on me?!?

so in Sydney, i took to the streets many times in a dress. go ask my friends or sisters and they would confirm i am not an inch a dress girl. i'm fine with jeans, thank you very much. but over there, i didn't feel like hiding it untouched in my luggage (the fact that i brought some to Sydney should already be a green signal towards my willingness for closet makeover). it felt comfortable, like a second skin.

that's the kind of confidence permitted by and which i wore on my sleeve in Sydney. back in the philippines, i started with the little black skirt. it should get more exciting as the days go.

~~~
because i was discovering Sydney mostly on my own, i only have a few photos with my face on it. heck, it's not like anybody would miss it.

so now, i only have a few photos to show of my fashion sense, or the lack of it, while i was treading the adventure that was the most happening place in the land down under (the other land Aussies would argue, but i'm talking about Sydney).

si lola in a skirt?!? (this is the first photo taken of me and a piece of Sydney, taken by cousin bud from the 4th level of Westfield, Bondi Junction; look closely and you can see a silhouette of the Harbour Bridge)

gasp! my cone days are back! i didn't see this coming! (my cone days were characterized by loose shirts and skinny leggings and jeans, exaggerating my huge stomach and emphasizing my chicken legs)

i set my camera on timer mode for this photo. behind me is the coast along eastern suburbs (Bondi, Bronte, Tamarama, etc)

yep, that's not my bra visible from under my pretty white shirt. that's an undershirt, or in Australian slang, a singlet.

taken by Gita, the mother of the boy in the picture.

Marry, marriage, whatever

2009-01-16T13:45:00.008+08:00

I am itching to clean the room I'll be sharing with 3 sisters for 3/4s of this year, but I give it a sweeping glance and I am confused where to start. There are too many clothes -- I guess a given that comes with 2 sisters who are fashion savvy (and one of them fresh out of Fashion School), and too many not-yet-emptied luggages (which will soon be filled up again and flown out of here).

I feel like sharing to you the state of our household report:

Maica is getting married on August 8; immediately after which she will fly to L.A. with her husband, that lucky guy Pancho. She will leave a spacious desk and more closet space for my humble possessions.

Iana is getting married on October 24; immediately after which she will fly to Las Vegas to acquire a Stateside Authenticity to her matrimony to that lucky guy, Carlo. She will leave all the space there is in our room (except for the closet already occupied by Bieni's humble possessions).

I hope both guys know they are luckier to marry into our family than our sisters are to marry into theirs.

So I should really start cleaning if I want to live harmoniously with everybody else.

~~~
It's weird, I'm used to seeing my pop off to work every weekday by 9 am. Now, after having resigned from OSPA, he's still at home at 10.30 am.

~~~
When I'm not thinking about wanting to clean the room or my sisters' weddings, I think about eating. I refuse to stop, which is a big shame because I'm not exactly on the light side now. I gained 15 lbs from my 2 months and 3 weeks in Sydney. I have to blame:

1) my cousin Carlo's wife, Phuong, who is a very good cook even when she's only experimenting (her roast beef is excellent, and so are her self-styled longganisa, vegetable rolls using rice paper, fried ice cream, and English tea... but fats that she helped me gain aside, i miss her, i miss her kitchen, i miss her company).
2) fish and chips
3) gelato ice crea,
4) Woolies, Australia's biggest supermarket chain

and so it goes for the nth time in my life since I cared, "I need to diet."

missing Chiz

2009-01-15T08:53:00.007+08:00

truth be told, i was just waiting to finish my back story before i resume my regular [and back-to-reality] blogging. i struggled with the "I am back!" post; i guess i'm struggling with being back here at home. don't get me wrong, i'm loving it. but i miss the world out there, as Sydney had shown it to me.

i will soon be at work and towards completion of a new blog which i plan to dedicate entirely to my trip. words shouldn't be difficult to come by as i will base them on my writings in my travel journal and notebooks. having been my constant and favorite companions in the last 2 months and 3 weeks, i am so excited to thread thru their pages again.

last night, tio perok invited me to breakfast at their house this morning as they will have a guest of honor like no other household will ever have, Mr Chiz Escudero. last night, i was probably still reeling from the trip and being back here that it didn't appeal to me. i know Mr Chiz, but he was of no importance to me the past 2 months and 3 weeks. to have his name thrust back to my consciousness just like that, i was like, "Chiz, who?". i felt like i needed to reacquaint myself first before engaging myself with somebody who seems (and indeed is) very important. ("What will you say to yourself if he becomes president of the Philippines in two years?" my father challenged me. "Dang, i missed breakfast with him because i didn't wake up!" i replied.)

but now that it's all over, i want to slap myself for missing that once in a lifetime would-have-been conversation. i want to slap myself for all the etche-boretche i feigned, to miss it. excuses, excuses. there it goes.

~~~
i am deeply touched, thanks tio perok. he didn't invite my other sisters, or even my father, he only invited me. to be thought of as highly capable of conversation with a famous politician, and who knows a future president, i am beyond honored. now, i can never justify their assumption. my only consolation is that i also cannot disprove it.

hehe.

back story

2009-01-13T13:46:00.001+08:00

since i arrived here in the Philippines (exactly 17 hours ago), i found myself at many moments disconnected from my surroundings. i was joyed to see my mother and sisters (who were all in Manila for varying purposes, with my arrival squeezing in at perfect timing and therefore on this list) but my subconscious, or an entirely another side of me, lingered in Ashbury, New South Wales, where i spent the later [and peaceful, therefore, better] part of my 2-month-and-3-week stay in the land down under. i lived with my cousin Carlo, his fascinating wife Phuong, and two kids, the adorably difficult Ari and my favorite, Gabe. i appreciate this family so much, my visit spilled over with wonderful stories, thanks to their warmth, care, and generosity. i shall never forget.

2 months and 3 weeks might seem short, but my restlessness, and the strong and exciting allure of the region stretched that to a length made immeasurable by my countless solo beach and coastal adventures, one-off long conversations (and i dare allow myself to say friendships) with strangers, gelato and fish & chips searches, library jaunts, and train, bus, and ferry spotting. i often find myself looking back and thinking, "That was short," but then i make a mental list of everything i did and try to mentally squeeze them all in that time. almost impossible, i was mobile at its fullest potential.

one of the best things i love about Sydney is its gift of anonymity. i could make a fool of myself one day and be forgotten the day after. i could wear mismatched clothes and join in the rest of the pedestrians who seem to have a knack for it. out there, i can be whoever i feel like being. nobody knows me and nobody cares.

truth be told, it does get to me at times, the anonymity and its harsher friend, loneliness (or extreme solitude if you want to be extreme). i have around 10 in-contact relatives in Sydney but i couldn't bother them from their work to show me around, so i took it upon myself to show myself around. my solo jaunts could be summed up best in my cousin Miguel's words, "Wow, you've been to a lot of places here in your 3 months that we in our 10 years or so here have never been to." yeah, i have.

so to be taken away from the unknown and from this adventure and to be thrust back to my comfort zone is like entering an open cage. open because my parents never confine me, but a cage anyhow because everybody who sees me, knows me. in this familiarity, i am the most comfortable, but i fail to grow up.

on my 8-hour flight back, i found myself bursting in a few tears every moment and then. i thought i was missing Gabe, my cousin's little son who is very happy if he is not lost. i love throwing him up in the air or asking him to flash his "big smile". he is a darling when he is scared; when his daddy and mommy's comfort is not around, mine is good enough. hehe. i did miss him, but later i would conclude i cried because after almost 3 months of being away from it, i don't know how i would fare to be back in the cage.

hello 2009

2009-01-01T20:55:00.000+08:00

my brother couldn't quite forgive me for missing the fireworks at the Harbour Bridge on New Year's. bro, you're not alone. i, first and foremost, cannot forgive myself for not being there. well actually, my cousin and i were there, but 3 hours in advance, for the earlier fireworks show at 9 pm. it wasn't as grand as the 12 pm show (as i would later salivate for on TV) and i wish i could say, "well, at least i saw the 9 pm show; it was good enough," but i couldn't because the 9 pm show was nowhere in the scale of the 12 pm show.

i actually tried my luck and attempted to convince my cousin to leave me in Milson's Point (where there was a good and ample view of the bridge) while he go home ahead and pick me up at the Ashfield train station later. he didn't say no and he didn't say yes. he went straight ahead into talking me out of it, scaring me with the growing rowdiness of the people. the truth is, that didn't scare me; i could rough it up. on the other hand, the last thing i wanted to inflict on my cousin who has already done so much for me is extra hassle. if anything happens to me, he will be held responsible. heartbreakingly, i rested my case and went home with him.

this is a part of what i missed.

i don't have the best photos of the 9 pm show so i'm not posting any here. but i did catch bits of the pre-midnight street party in Milson's Point.

here's looking at the pre-midnight show Harbour Bridge from Milson's Point. the best place to watch the show from is apparently the Royal Botanical Gardens, but according to my cousin, you would need reservations to get in, or i would have needed to go there really early, like noontime of the 31st.

"i wouldn't have minded," i told him. had i decided earlier that i REALLY wanted to go, i would have done either.

the ladies amazed me. how can they street party with heels?!? i saw only one crazy lady in a full-length gown; all the others tried to beat each other in the length of their tight-fitting, satin black or white and frilly, or flowy and colorful dresses -- the shorter, the better. it's obviously the fad, and as usual, i'm not in.

look at that! this is the 9 pm show crowd rushing to the train station after the show. majority of this crowd were parents with their childrens, the oldies, the newbies... my cousin told me the 12 pm show crowd would be 10 times more, and filled with the rowdy, drunk, and bottle-wielding.

ok.

going down to the party; going up to the train platform. this is the scene at Milson's Point after the 9 pm show.

singing the blues away at the deserted Central station.

2009!

it's my year by the way.

Signs

2008-12-24T02:41:00.001+08:00

This is the Christmas Tree at Martin Place, a major area in Sydney's Central Business District (CBD). I always pass by Martin Place as I walk from the State Library down through College Street, but I simply associated it to the coat and tied people -- they in suits and pinstripe slacks or skirts and an air of importance comparable to that of university students, they who fill up majority of the crowd usually seen in this area. In one of my visits to the city, I discovered that despite its strategic location in the city, cheap lunch actually abounds its train station. Since this discovery, it's where I always get my lunch from when I'm in the city.

The Christmas Tree at the Queen Victoria Building is notable. It stretches from the first floor all the way up to the fourth floor, and is filled with Swarovski crystals (real ones). QVB on its own is notable. Its history goes all the way back to the 19th century. If I'm not mistaken, it is one of the oldest buildings in Sydney. Today, it serves the same purpose as it was built for over a century ago - a public market. But unlike then, the QVB today is regularly cramped with click-clackers (stilletos, you heard?), the coat and tied and generally, the snooty. There's a yummy gelato in the basement hall which is cheap at $5 for 2 scoops. Go visit.

A happy bunch played Christmas songs around the Stockland Mall on McHappy Day, December 15.

Cousin Diane's kids Maverick, Shania (after Shania Twain), and Buboy with Santa Claus who was YESed to our request for a photo only if we hurry. Like, how long does it take to press the shutter?

A street painter just outside the Adidas store in QVB amuses kids before the "grand" Christmas Parade commenced at George Street. (their grand is just a tip of the angel finger of Cebu's GRAND Sinulog celebration)

Yeah! This is the Philippine delegation at the Christmas parade in George Street. That was the proudest I felt as a Filipina [visiting] down under. A kababayan in the know would tell me days after that these dancers were flown in by the Department of Tourism from the Philippines. If I should be honest (and not just from a nationalist mouth), the Philippine delegation is the liveliest and most colorful.

Patch Adams, is that you? (An exhibitor from the Happy Doctors bunch)

The Christmas Parade brought the young and the old together.

Either they were part of a dancing troupe, or their parents really just play dress-up to the extremes. (Christmas Parade Program at Darling Harbour)

Santa Claus gives away gifts just before the Rainbow Daycare Center wrapped up its Christmas Party this year.

Meet Peter. He is the most horrible kid I ever met. He is the loveliest kid I ever met. I miss both already.

Gabe and Ari, my OZ family.
Oh, they just love Christmas and its ambassador in this part of the world, Santa Claus.

Signs everywhere. I'm missing the spirit.
Anyhoo,
Merry Christmas Everyone.

one more month

2008-12-13T06:10:00.001+08:00

On November 19, I bought a pretty pocket-sized notebook at the Library Shop in the State Library. It has never left me since. My sister Maica gifted me with a notebook generous with white space for my musings, but it's too bulky for my everyday brown bag. I leave it at home and wait for the end of the day before I muse away. I noticed however that this process does not allow me to include the littlest details from the day; details that matter more but I tend to forget easily because of their triviality. In some cases, I remember them, but a few days would have passed already. So I thought of buying a notebook that I could force into the same mobility as I have forced myself.

What happened is that every time something amuses OR appalls me -- like spotting a coat and tied man on skateboard or suffering in Sydney's unpredictable weather -- I go to the nearest place I could stop and sit in and write away. So I figured, if I'm going to commit myself from this day on to update you religiously on my Sydney stories, I might use the words that I chose to remember such moments by, as marked indefinitely in my pocket-sized notebook. Weird, I'm quick at naming precious things, but this one does not have a name yet.

Mia.

~~~
If indeed I leave for home on January 12, I will have only a month left here.

Enjoy the stories.

down here

2008-11-30T18:00:00.000+08:00

Whenever people ask me about the adventure I’m in now, I always manage to squeeze into my piece a few of my favorite lines from the movie When Harry Met Sally. In the scene that owned these lines, Billy Crystal was driving to New York City from Chicago with Meg Ryan beside him. He coaxed Meg to talk about the story of her life, to which Meg nonchalantly replied, “The story of my life?!? It won’t even get us out of Chicago. That’s why I’m going to New York.” (As with the words, I’m not entirely sure they were driving from Chicago. It may be from somewhere else.)

I am 23 years old, and the only parts of my life that are decent enough for a mention in any chapter are my library-breathing, mosh-pit conquering, and tequila and red horse weekends as a UP student, and of course, my nearly 2-year stint at the office of the (I have to stress this or it will be as dull as any other “I used to have an 8-5 job” story) award-winning and internationally recognized furniture designer, Kenneth Cobonpue.

I’m not even sure people are interested in those, but they try. My penchant for reading fiction and non-fiction must stem from my lack of fascination for the reality I wake up to every single morning. I don’t know if anybody else has noticed, but when two strangers meet and swap stories of their lives, the mood only gets juicy when love appears in the conversation frame. Or when one of the strangers has done something that the other has never heard of.

Don’t dare ask me about either, or we’ll both be silenced.

Excluding its familial and friendly kind, love has never been a part of my life. It sucks; I just don’t know how badly since I’ve never been in love. Had I fallen in love before and lost it forever, then there’s a measure of comparison. Truth be told, I have an embarrassing number of crushes hoarded through the years, a few of which so serious they border on unrequited love. I have also never done anything that at least one person of the 6 billion on earth has not heard of. Once, I stayed up until 8 am on top of the Marcelo Fernan Bridge in Cebu, to wait for sunrise and the famed Floral Parade in January’s Sinulog Weekend. But there were two college friends with me. I have scuba-dived, kissed a dog in the lips, went up a mountain, jumped off a 15-feet high rock cliff, finished a huge bag of Lay’s Chips in one sitting, talked books with a Tony-award winning playwright, and ate 6 scoops of different ice cream flavors in one day. So have a million others. I’m sure.

Then Australia beckoned. For the first time, I feel life has given me a chance to carve a story of itself as I experience it. No, I haven’t hiked to the top of the Ayers Rock (or I think we’re supposed to climb it), or swam with sharks at the Great Barrier Reef. I have just become dependent on buses and trains. I eat sandwich for lunch and I’m good to go. I walk long distances on clean sidewalks. I put on a dress for the day (back in the Philippines, this was as unlikely to happen as the Philippines joining the roster of the 1st world countries, just ask my sisters). I rely on a street directory that’s clear and accurate to get to places (I only got lost once in my one month here!). I strike conversations with strangers. I thrive in and depend on the comforts of anonymity. I came here to look for my place under the sun. One month into my trip, this place remains elusive. Instead, I found, without the pressures of the seemingly inherent yearning for home and family that pulsate from within me, the person I should be.

Sounds cliché? Well, the sun shines on billions; there should be a lot of us who don’t wait for the end of the day. Instead, we live through every single moment.

i had to set my camera on timer mode so i can be in the photo. this was taken along a walkway to the top of a cliff that borders the Dee Why beach on one side.

i favor the Dee Why beach more than its more famous counterparts, Manly and Bondi, for its obscurity, at least to tourists. i am partially an overstaying tourist and the other half, inserts herself as part of the Dee Why community, the inhabitants of which have the pleasure of knowing that every step they take revolves around the beach, either moving towards or away from it. here at Dee Why, i know where to get my favorite bread (Brezel's along Oaks Avenue .70 Rye Walnut Bread); i know where the best internet connect deal is (at the cafe by the bus stop to the city); i know where to buy mineral water and pack of mint chocolate biscuits (Woolies along Oaks Avenue); i know where the best sandwich is (Subway along Oaks Avenue); i know where the best second-hand bookstore is (found Pico Iyer's travel book, William Darylple's history analysis, and Anais Nin's diaries in a discount bookstore along Howard Avenue); i know where the best view of the Dee Why beach is (at the cliff top); i know where the cheapest clothes are (Salvation Army's Vinnie's, though you're lucky to find worthy of taking back home); i know where peace of mind can be found (St. Kevin's Church along Oaks). i know Dee Why.

***

i leave this place next week and will be moving in at another cousin's place in the Inner West part of Sydney, called Ashbury. Dee Why is at Northern Beaches which is a region where most of Sydney's charming beaches are. Ashbury and its neighboring suburbs are sort of landlocked. most people there don't bum at the beach; they bum at home. it will be another secret to discover. though i'm not sure if it will be as exciting as the Northern Beaches. this, i'm afraid, is not for me to decide. at least i'm still in Sydney.

valley of tears

2008-10-19T23:53:00.003+08:00

i was uber happy when my sister iana told me she's sleeping over here at tita lil's condo with me. i thought we were just going to hang out the whole day tomorrow together. when she mentioned she's sleeping over until tuesday, i got so ecstatic. on D(eparture) day, she will drop us off at the airport. i'm not sure if that's a great idea because i might not be able to stop crying.

which was the case during the evening mass today. i stayed behind where tita lil was seated and cried my heart out to God. i must have looked crazy to those who saw my drenched face through the darkness. later at Landmark, i cried again. tita lily was choosing a new pair of black shoes, and i was reminded of my mother in her shopping sprees (during which i played assistant, honest judge, and conscience). i must have looked crazier but i was long past caring.

thus far, this test is proving to be exhausting. i woke up this morning with drugged and droopy eyes and pink nose. i should really get used to wearing the shades my sister iana helped pick for me in Shang Mall's Crossing! or better, i should really have more control over my tear ducts.

today is a tearful day. iana's fiance carlo japson left tonight, back to the US. for a change, it was my sister who cried.

want

2008-10-19T11:22:00.002+08:00

my mother called this morning and asked that i cancel my plans of leaving...
hehe.

abangan ang susunod na kabanata!